Jump
by pdshalstud
Summary: Chicago PD AU, set a little over a year after the season 4 finale.
1. Chapter 1

Jump Chapter 1

Jay's POV

I'm still in shock, the events of the past few weeks stuck on a loop in my head, as I walk through our local farmers market with Hailey, on this humid June day. It started out just like any other week when we don't have an active case.

*Flashback to a few weeks prior*

 _I park my car in the district parking lot, and I arrive at the same time as both Upton and Atwater. I get out of my car, and walk over to where they stand talking, and I wrap my arm around Upton's shoulder, before we decide to walk into the district. The front lobby is buzzing, as Platt is yelling out orders to different uniforms. Some bringing in a criminal or two, the three of us just continue on our way to the bullpen. Atwater scans his hand, and holds the door open for us to walk through first. We walk up the stairs and are met with about 5 white shirts, along with other police I've never seen before, going through our desks, and the break room. The three of us walk over to where Ruzek, Burgess, and Dawson stand near Ruzek's desk, and that's when I see Lieutenant Woods, Deputy Chief Crowley, and two others I've never met before all in Voight's office, but no sign of Voight._

" _What's going on?" I ask after a few minutes_

" _Voight's been arrested for police misconduct on multiple accounts, and now they're opening an investigation for the whole unit." Dawson answers and then the door to what use to be Voight's office swings open._

" _Good I'm glad we're all here, I'm not sure if you've all been_ _informed as to why we're all here, so just in case you weren't. Sergeant Voight has been placed under arrest for multiple counts of police misconduct. The department is suspending the Intelligence Unit, and placing each member under review until further notice. Leave your badges and guns on this desk here." She says pointing to Upton's desk, "and go home." She finishes. We all look at each other, before following our orders, leaving our guns and badges and leaving the building. We all walk to the parking lot, talking as we go._

" _Man who would have ever thought he'd ever actually get caught. Tonio and Jay I guess you guys were always right for going against him." Kevin says as we cross the street_

" _yeah I guess so." Both Antonio and I say at the same time_

" _It's for the best." Ruzek pipes in_

" _Hey why don't we all go get something to eat together? Get our minds off this, even if just for a little bit." Kim says in a singsong voice_

" _Yeah that sounds like a good idea to me, you know I'm always hungry, and I'm sure she is too." I say sticking my thumb out towards Hailey, and she punches my arm hard, I play hurt, before throwing my arm around her shoulders again. We all get into either Kim or Kevin's car before driving to a diner near the district. We talk and laugh, in between bites, completely pushing this ordeal out of heads for the time being. All of us except for Adam, and upon noticing how quiet he is sitting to one side of me, with Hailey sitting on the other side, I nudge his arm with mine, before nodding towards the door. He gets the hint, and leaves the circular booth. Hailey notices, and grabs my arm and gives` it a gentle squeeze and I turn my head back to her, and give her a small smile._

" _Hey what's going on Adam?" I ask him as soon as I get outside_

" _None of you deserve this." He says quietly_

" _No but hopefully we'll all be cleared, and be back to kicking ass in no time. Right?" I say to him trying to lighten the conversation. He just gives me a huff in response_

" _Look man I don't know what's eating away at you, but we all knew Voight was dirty, and while it sucks that the unit is under review, I think this is just proof that things have a way of working themselves out, we have nothing to worry about." I say to him, putting my hand on his shoulder, and he nods at me, before I turn to go back into the diner_

" _It was me, I was the one who ratted him out, and now we all had to turn in our badges because of it." He says to me so quietly I almost miss it, but yet it was so clear at the same time, and I turn back around to look at him, but he's looking at his feet_

" _He blackmailed me, said he knew about what I did for my sister when she got in that accident with my nephew. I couldn't let her go away for that." He continues, and I walk back over to where he's standing_

" _Hey Adam, no one, and I mean no one would_ _blame for that. If it was any one of us, we would have done the same thing for family, and no matter how dirty Voight may be, if he was right about anything, it was that this unit is a family."_

" _Yeah I guess you're right, thanks Jay." He says with a small grin_

" _I'm always right Adam." I say which causes him to chuckle_

" _Now can we go back inside and eat."_

" _Yeah." He says_

 _We rejoin everyone at the booth, and jump right back into the conversations as if we never left. The weeks to follow, passed in a blur, as each one of us went to the ivory tower to stand in front of the review board, and clear ourselves, as well as the rest of the unit._

*End of flashback*

I smile, as I look down at my badge hanging around my neck, and at the fact that each one of us was cleared earlier that day. My smile is short lived, and disappears as I hear a familiar voice to the side of me, and my heart starts to beat so hard and fast I swear it's going to burst out of my chest. I thought my feelings for her were gone, but now hearing that beautiful raspy voice again, I feel they never went away or weakened, they were just buried somewhere deep down, waiting for their moment to resurface.

"Erin?" I say as I walk closer to where I heard her voice come from, and that's when she turns around, her hazel eyes meeting my green blue ones for the first time in over a year.

XXXXXX

Erin's POV

My body stiffens involuntarily the second I hear his voice say my name, and at first I think that I'm dreaming, but then I turn around, and our eyes meet, and I know I'm not dreaming, because even in all the dreams I've had about him in the last year, those eyes, his eyes have never had that same sparkle in them as they do in real life. We stand there for what seems like hours, just staring at each other, taking in the changes each of us has gone through in the last year. He has a thick scruff neatly wrapping around his jaw, and lips. I feel the familiar pain take over my lower abdomen as I inappropriately think of how his occasional facial hair felt against my skin when we played scrabble when we were together. I shake my head, and clear my throat, trying to control my thoughts. I feel as if he's even more muscular than he was before, or maybe his tight white t shirt, is the reason I can see every defined line on his chest and abdomen, I can even see the v, that disappears into his shorts. His arms look so big, that I'm pretty sure if he flexed, his sleeves would rip, and fall off. It's as if he gets sexier and sexier with age, and he makes 33 look incredible. I bring my eyes back up to meet his again after taking him in.

"Jay?" I say as more of a question, and he walks a little closer so we're only a few feet apart

XXXXXX

Jay's POV

I take her in the same way she is me, and I notice that her face is sunken in, and she carries dark circles under her eyes, they must be working her hard at the FBI. She's also lost weight, being even thinner than before, and she's let her hair grow out past her shoulders, and it actually looks a lot like how it was back when we first became partners. Her appearance has changed, but one thing that hasn't, and never will is her eyes, the ones that I've dreamt about so many times I've lost count. She still just as beautiful as before. Her voice breaks me from thoughts

"Jay?" She says, my name coming from her lips, pulls me closer to her

"Erin." I say again "Have you been here….been here this whole time? I thought, well Voight told us that you went to work for the FBI in New York?" I ask

"Well no I haven't been here at this farmer's market for the last year." She says with a chuckle, assumingly trying to ease some of this tension but I just continue to stare at her with a straight face, and the small smile that was on her face falls

"I was in New York, just not for the reason Voight told you, I-" She says before getting cut off by Hailey waddling over to us.

XXXXXX

Erin's POV

I was just about to tell him, why I had gone to New York, when I hear Hailey's voice call out his name, and then I see her, and I can't help the tears that form in my eyes and threaten to fall at the sight before me. I watch her slowly waddle over, and stand next to Jay with one of her hands rubbing up and down her pregnant belly. I expected him to move on, and when I left I told myself that he deserved better than me, I guess I was right, but I would have never expected for him to be having a baby. I'm happy for him, for both of them, they're going to be amazing parents, but I can't control the sadness that takes over, or the sinking in my chest. I clear my throat for the second time in the last ten minutes, this time to try and swallow the lump thats building up there.

"I um, well it was good to see you Jay, and you too Hailey, and congratulations. Umm I'll see you guys around." I say with my voice cracking, before turning, and quickly walking away from the farmer's market, and away from them. I walk at the same quick pace for a while, trying to get as far away, as quickly as possible. Once I feel I'm at a safe distance, I stop and rest against a wall outside my favorite coffee shop that I missed so much in my time in New York, I then go in, and order my usual, before going to my spot, I sit facing the wall, and I let the tears fall. We both needed time and space last year, and we both gave each other that, and now he's got someone so much better than me, and is expecting a baby with her, and I'm alone, we have what we deserve. I'm happy he's happy, but sad that I'm not the cause for his happiness anymore, and I haven't been for over a year, all because I jumped when someone told me to jump.

XXXXXX

 **A/N: Again sorry for any and all mistakes. I'm already in love with this story, and I can't wait to see what you guys think of it. Please review, and I'll try to update asap. Thanks**


	2. Chapter 2

Jump Chapter 2

Jay's POV

I just stand there, frozen, watching her retreating form, and I continue to stare in that direction for several minutes before I get broken away from my thoughts by Hailey who is still standing next to me

"Jay, Jay." She says shaking my shoulder

"Huh?" Is my only response

"You should go after her." She says

"What?"

"Go after her!" She all but yells

"What, No."

"Jay." She says sternly

"I'm not just going to leave you here, to go chase after her."

"Jay I can take care of myself, besides it's a farmers market, I'll be fine. Go-" She says, but gets cut off by my phone ringing

I answer it with "Halstead." I nod listening to what Dawson is saying on the other end "Ok send me the location." I say before hanging up

"We caught a case, come on I'll take you two home."

"No."

"Hailey I'm not leaving you here."

"I'm not saying you should leave me here."

"Well you're certainly not going to the crime scene with me, or the district. So where do you want to go?" I say to her

XXXXXX

Erin's POV

I'm sitting in the cafe for about 20 minutes, and my tears have stopped. I pick at the sleeve on my coffee cup, letting my mind drift off to another time, a better time, I hear the bell above the door ring, but I pay no mind to it, and then someone's walking past me, and sitting across from me. It's Hailey, and she just gives me this look that I can't quite decipher

"Well I have to say that wasn't one of the most heartfelt congratulations I've gotten but I can't imagine what you're feeling, so I'll let it slide."

"Yeah sorry about that."

"No you're not, and that's ok."

"So is that why you followed me here, because I wasn't sincere enough for you?" I say bitterly

"I didn't follow you here, and no actually."

"How'd you know I'd be here then, and what are you here for?"

"I knew he'd know where you'd be, so I asked him drop me off there, before he headed off to a case, and I came here to tell you that seeing you today, it affected him, just as much as seeing him affected you."

"Ok, and what is that supposed to mean to me?"

"It means that before jumping to conclusions maybe you should talk to him, because things aren't as they seem." She says as she rubs her belly, and I just nod, wishing for her to leave

"Alright, well I guess I'll leave you alone then. It was good to see you too by the way."

I just nod and she goes to stand up, and walks past me putting her hand on my shoulder briefly in passing

"Hailey?" I say as more of a question, as she nears the door

"Yeah." She says turning around

"What do you mean about things not being as they seem?" I ask

"It means that you should talk to him Erin." She says, before opening the door, and leaving the café, I watch as she crosses the street, and right up to the apartment building that's just two buildings away from mine, and I shake my head, thinking about how I need to find a new apartment.

XXXXXX

Jay's POV

I'm sitting at my desk; my eyes closed, and my head in my hands, my thumbs massaging my temples. The case we caught today was open and close. I swear criminals get less intelligent with each passing day. Today's idiot of the day, was one Samuel Nolan, who shot and killed his ex-girlfriend, and her new boyfriend. During interrogation, he confessed almost immediately, saying she owed him a grand. He tossed his gun, with his fingerprints behind a bush in front of the victim's house, which was recovered about an hour into the search of the area. I open my eyes, when I hear someone walking upstairs.

"Chuckles." Platt says to get my attention, and I look at her "You have a visitor waiting downstairs for you." She tells me with a rare smile

"Thanks." I say getting up, and walking past everyone, down the stairs, and through the gate, before proceeding to the lobby, but I don't see anyone, then I look in the empty office off to the side, and I see her sitting on the edge of the desk, and our eyes lock on each other's again. I walk over to the door, taking a deep breath before opening it and walking in

"Erin what are you doing here?" I practically yell at her, and she flinches a little, and I can see tears forming, giving her eyes that same glassy appearance that they had early that day.

"I uh, I." She says looking down at her hands "this was a mistake." She says standing up, moving to walk past me, and she reaches for the door, opening it a little, but I slam it shut

"Is that all you do is walk away? When things get rough, you just leave?" I yell at her, and she turns around to look at me at that

"You're one to fucking talk Jay, you literally said you didn't want me to come and go, and yet you came and you went. And I was willing to give you time, I gave you months, and I gave you space, even though all I really wanted was to be there for you, and help you carry some of that weight that stuck you through the years, I wanted you to come home, but you didn't let me in, you just kept pushing me further and further away." She yells with the tears trailing down her red cheeks, and she angrily wipes them away

"I left our apartment Erin, not the city, not the state, and I left so you didn't have to deal with my demons, so you weren't burdened with my problems. But I was still here we still saw each other every day. You fucking left the fucking state, without a word, you were just gone." I say, the anger in my voice being replaced with sadness

"And all for what to protect Bunny? Or was it because of Voight? Was it both of them? Whatever the case neither of them deserved your loyalty." I say, my anger returning, as I think of the two people who have both given her, and taken her away from me.

"Neither of them deserved you at all, they used you, always hanging something over your head to get what they wanted." I pause for a minute before I continue

"I may have left first, but I left to protect you. You, well you left to protect them, the two people who deserved your protection the least." I say finally taking my hand off of the door

"It's been over a year since you left, and now all of sudden you're back, first storming off at the farmer's market, then coming here just to leave again. Were you expecting a warm welcome home? Cause if you were, you came to the wrong person babe, and I think it'd probably be best if you do what you do best and just go, and this time don't come back." I say to her, and I feel my heartbreaking, as tears flow freely down her face, and she goes to reach for the door again, and this time I let open it. She stands there for a minute

"It took me over an hour to work up the courage to even step foot in this building again, but I came here because of Hailey, she said things weren't as they seemed, and I wanted to see what she might by that, and I wanted to apologize for leaving, so I'm sorry." She sniffles

"Goodbye Jay." She says sniffling again before she walks out of the door, closing it behind her, and I just stand there staring at the spot she was just standing in before turning and slamming my hands down on the desk, as tears fall from my eyes, from anger or sadness I don't know, as I think of the words I left unsaid,

' _I loved you, and I thought I had gotten over you, that my heart had mended, but seeing you today made me realize that I've been lying to myself this whole time, because truth is I never stopped loving you, and at this point I don't think I ever will.'_

I push those words aside, letting myself calm down, before leaving the office, and heading back upstairs to finish my paperwork.

XXXXXX

 **A/N: Don't be too mad at me, it'll get better I promise. Leave me your thoughts please and thank you.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: So first I would** **just like to say, that no one has an obligation to read my fics, or anyone's for that matter. I can take the constructive criticism just fine, but don't leave nasty reviews, all these stories are based on FICTIONAL characters, and are fictional themselves, hence why they're called FANFICTION. If you think it or they suck, no one is keeping you here, no one is forcing you to read them, like I've said before, if you'd like to DM me, I can give a you a whole list of recommendations for some crazy talented authors, and their amazing stories, but stop bashing my way of self-expression, just for the hell of it, please and thank you. And for those of you who actually like this story, and think it makes sense, I hope you enjoy this chapter, and hopefully this update clears some things up for you. As always your lovely reviews are appreciated, and I'll try to update as soon as possible. Thank You.**

Jump Chapter 3

Erin's POV

I practically run out of the district, my vision blurred from my tears, so much so I accidently bump into someone. We both stumble back, and I blink back the tears that are continuing to form, giving me a clearer view of the person a few feet in front of me. It's Kim, and once she realizes it's me, the disgusted look on her face is replaced with a look of childlike excitement. Then she squeals for a minute, before she composes herself somewhat

"Erin? Oh my god you're back."

"Yeah." I say quietly

"Are you back, back? Or just here for a visit?"

"Umm I'm back, back." I answer, wiping my face, trying to hide the tears that continue to leak from my eyes

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah I uh, I was just talking with Jay, and I think it's safe to say that, that will be the last time." I answer honestly

"Oh I'm sorry Erin" she says, quickly moving in to give me a tight hug "He's just hurting, I'd be more concerned if he wasn't upset with you." She says, then looking down at the phone in her hand

"I have to get back to work, but uh we should hang out sometime soon, I've missed you. We all have." She says sincerely

"Yeah I'd like that." I say giving her a small smile that doesn't reach my eyes, but my words are sincere, I would like that. Seeing as everyone else I left behind last year is either in jail, or hates my guts, and Kim was like a little sister to me before, so I hope we can become like we were before.

"Give me your phone."

"My number is the same as it was Kim."

"Yeah but mine isn't, and I want to make sure we actually hang out." She says, causing us both to chuckle

"Ok." I reply handing my phone over to her

"Ok, I'll text you soon, but I got to go." She says giving me another hug, before jogging to the door of the district, and going in. I'm about ten minutes into my twenty five minute walk home, and I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket, and I see the text notification with Kim next to the little green message icon

 _Kim-Ok so first I was thinking we could go out for drinks_

 _Kim-But then I thought about how much I missed our girl talks so, my place? Friday at 7?_

I laugh to myself before typing out my reply

 _Erin-Sounds good to me_

 _Erin-Thanks_

 _Kim-YAAAYYY! I can't wait!_

 _Kim-Wait what are you thanking me for?_

 _Erin-I don't know, just cause_

 _Kim-Alright well we'll talk more about that on Friday, but right now Tonio is yelling at me to get back to my paperwork. See you in a few days_

I laugh again, throwing my phone on my kitchen counter, before going to take a shower

XXXXXX

The rest of the week seems to go by rather quickly, I've been trying to get my stuff unpacked and organized before I start work again on Monday. I get the last of my boxes away from the doorway, and set them in front of the couch, before opening the top one and trying to decide where to put the contents. I get through the last box at around six, and I send out a text to Kim

 _Erin-Hey what's your address?_

 _Kim-Oh sorry I totally forgot._ She replies with quickly

I sit there for a few minutes wondering if she forgot about us hanging out, and planned something else or if she just forgot to send her address, but then I get another message, and it's her address

I get ready, switching out my pajamas for a pair of jeans, and a t shirt, I throw my hair into a sloppy bun on the top of my head before grabbing my phone off of my bed, and heading out the door to Kim's. I get in my car, turning the key, and pulling out of my parking spot.

XXXXXX

Kim's POV

I feel like a little girl about to have my first slumber party, I practically run to the door when the doorbell rings, I open it, and give Erin a hug

"Come in."

"Thanks" She says quietly

"So the pizza is almost done, and I got mint chocolate chip ice cream for later." She says as we go to sit at the little breakfast bar

"Sounds good to me." She says

XXXXXX

Erin's POV

"So how have you been, how was New York, and the FBI?" She asks

"I've been fine, New York was good, but I didn't go to there for the FBI, I already tried that, remember? Plus I was done protecting my mom, she was found guilty, and I'm glad I didn't sacrifice myself for her."

"Oh, it's just that Voight told us you went to New York for the FBI."

"That's what he wanted me to go to New York for, he wanted to me leave this city behind and never look back, but I was done doing what he said-" I say but get cut off by the timer, and Kim hops off the stool to take the pizza out of the oven, we stay silent as we wait for the pizza to cool some, and then she cuts it, and places two pieces on the paper plates set in front of me, then she comes back around to sit down again

"So what did you go to New York for, if not for the FBI?" She asks before taking a bite

"You know how I was going before the review board, after assaulting that suspect with my gun?"

"Yeah."

"Well they were going to take away my badge for good, unless I did this undercover gig that would grant me immunity, and let me keep my badge."

"So you were undercover for the last year?"

"Yeah most of it." I say before taking a bite, she finishes her second piece around the same time as me, she grabs both of our plates and goes to throw them away. I switch the focus from me to her

"So what about you, how have you been?" I ask

"Good, I've actually been really happy with my life lately."

"That's great, mind if I ask what's making you so happy?"

"No, it's just I can't really pin point one thing." She says with a smile

"Come on Kim, I thought we were supposed to be catching up, Gabby told me how you guys were under review after the whole Voight mess, when did you guys get cleared?" I ask

"Monday, so that was a really good day, and I ran into you, and Adam and I had just had a great date the night before."

"You and Adam are back together, for how long?"

"Yeah, a few months." She says with a faint blush taking over her face

"That's amazing, I'm really happy for you guys."

"Thanks Erin." She says before turning to grab the ice cream out of the freezer

"So on Monday you seemed pretty upset, can I ask what happened?"

I nod and tell her how that day had transpired, and she just sits there nodding her head eating her ice cream.

"And that's when I bumped into you." I finish saying, taking another spoonful of ice cream to my mouth, and I look at her for the first time in a few minutes, her eyes are wide, as she processes all that was just said to her.

"Wait so you think Hailey is pregnant with Jay's baby?"

"Yeah, I want to be happy for them, and part of me is, but there's another part of me that is sad."

"That makes sense, but Erin you should know."

"I know that's really selfish of me to feel that way, but I can't control it."

"Erin." She says loudly "The baby, she's not his."

"What?" I ask confused

"Hailey is not having a baby with Jay."

"But they are together right?"

"Nope." She says popping the p

"But I saw them at the farmer's market."

"The baby is Kevin's."

"Kevin's? As in Kevin Atwater's?"

"Yup crazy uh?"

"Yeah." I answer running my fingers through my hair "I guess I just jumped to conclusions when I saw her waddle over to him, and I assumed they were together, but now it makes sense. That's why she told me that things aren't as they seem, that's why she told me to talk to Jay." I say and Kim just nods her head

"But why didn't she just tell me that the baby wasn't his when she came to the cafe?" I ask

"Maybe that was her way of getting you two to talk, I don't think she thought you two would end getting into a fight, but think about Erin, would you have gone to talk to him at all if your curiosity didn't get the best of you, would you still have gone to the precinct to talk to him, and find out if he had in fact moved on?"

"No probably not."

"Exactly."

"They are pretty close though, uh?" I say, or ask

"He was just looking out for her while Kevin was out of town visiting his family. Jay insisted on helping her out, saying it was the partner thing to do. Hailey has helped each one of us out in some way over the last year, after you left the unit started falling apart, we were missing the glue that kept us together, especially Jay. A few months after you left, he started going to this really dark place, he had this undercover gig with a military guy, had to talk about his time overseas to get to come across convincingly and Jay made a connection with the guy, and he took it really hard when he was killed while saving a kid. After that he wasn't coming in to work, when he did he was hungover, and there was even a time where he came in still drunk, but Voight always gave him the day off. Adam and Hailey were there for him, and really they were the ones that brought him back, stopping him from slipping down that hole, but he's never been quite the same since you left. Hailey's been a good partner to him, and a good friend but she could never replace you Erin." She says, tears shining in both of our eyes

"I wish I was here for him, for all of you."

"Yeah but you came back Erin, and you're here now. Things will get better, it'll just take some of us a little longer than others to come around, most of all Jay. And once you're back in Intelligence, it'll be easier to mend your friendship, and maybe you guys can move to something like what you had before" She says sadly

"You don't know how much I wish I could believe that. And I'm actually not coming back to Intelligence." I say looking down, as I swirl my spoon around the bottom of the empty sitting in front of me.

"What? But you said the UC gig would let you keep your badge?" She asks

"Yeah I get to keep my badge, but I've been demoted so I'm back on patrol for the time being." I say looking up at her

"Oh but it's only temporary?"

"That's what the board made it sound like, but we'll see."

"So there's still hope." She says cheerily, getting up to put her bowl in the sink, and I follow to do the same

"Yeah."

"So this undercover operation is why you didn't tell anyone you were leaving?" She asks and I nod

"Did you tell Jay that?"

"No, but it wouldn't have mattered anyways he hates me."

"I'm sure he doesn't hate you Erin, like I said to you on Monday I'd be more concerned if he wasn't upset with you. If he had just accepted you being back with no problem, then I would have been worried." She says with a huff

"One of my favorite quotes when it comes to relationships has always been, "Don't worry when I argue with you; worry when I stop because that means there is nothing left to fight for." You guys may have gotten into what you thought was a pretty bad fight, but for the last year anytime someone brought up a memory with you, or even mentioned your name, he always had this look, and it wasn't one of resentment or hate Erin. He cares about you, he never stopped. You guys still have something worth fighting for, don't give up just yet." She says as she places her hand around my forearm, and gives it a gentle squeeze, giving me a sad smile, and I nod again

"So enough serious talk, you want to watch a movie?"

"Sure." I say following her back out of the kitchen, she goes to lay on the couch, and I sprawl out on the love seat sitting across from the couch. She turns on the TV and starts to scroll through the list of movies, and I pipe in "but I want to watch a comedy, oooh or what about a scary movie?"

She chuckles

"No scary movies, I'll have nightmares, so comedy it is." She answers, which causes me to chuckle

"Ok." I say, and I continue to stare at the TV screen as she keeps scrolling, and I think about how good it feels to have let all of what I said, out, and in return I learned about some things I missed during my time away

"What about Bad Moms?" She asks breaking me from my thoughts

"Yeah sure, I've never seen it, but it was supposedly good." I answer, and she clicks on it, and the movie starts.

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Adam's POV

I wake up from a nap at around quarter after 7, and I pick up my phone seeing if there is any messages, or notifications I might of missed while I was out. There's two messages one from Kev, and one from Jay asking if I wanted to join them at the bar at eight. I reply to the messages, with a quick yeah, before throwing my phone back on the nightstand. I bring my hands up to rub my face, before sitting up, and swinging my legs off the side of the bed. I stand up, and go to open the door, when I hear Kim talking to someone about New York, and the FBI, and then a few seconds later, I hear Erin's voice, and she's telling Kim how she didn't go to New York for the FBI. I pull up the recorder on my phone, before placing my phone on the floor, and sliding it so the microphone is pointing towards the hall, and is sitting under the door. I just sit at the edge of the bed, waiting for them to get done talking, after about forty five minutes playing games on Kim's tablet, I hear the TV go on, and I figure they're done talking for now. I go back to the door, picking up my phone, and pressing the stop button. I text Jay

 _Adam-Hey man I got something I need you to hear_

 _Jay-Alright can't you just tell me when you get here?_

 _Adam-Right, I'm leaving now_.

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Erin's POV

We're only about a minute in the movie, when one of the doors in the hallway opens, and out walks Adam. Kim pauses the movie, as he stops in front of the TV

"Hey Lindsay. I didn't know you were here. How have you been?" He says

"I've been ok, you?"

"Great, just great, Kim babe I'm going to go hang out with Kev and Jay at the bar, and then I'll probably just go home afterwards, but I'll see tomorrow." He says walking over to Kim, giving her a quick kiss

"Good to see you Lindsay, I'll see you around." He says walking over to the door, and exiting the apartment. I think that the awkwardness between Adam, and I briefly before turning my attention back to the movie missing an apparently funny part, because Kim is laughing so hard, I think she's crying.

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Jay's POV

I don't think too much of what Adam text me, telling myself that it was probably some stupid joke he just heard or something, but about fifteen minutes after he sends me that text he walks into the bar. And by the serious look on his face, and I can tell whatever it is that he needs me to hear is no joke.

"Hey man, want to step outside for a second." He says to me not even bothering to greet the others, and I just nod, taking another swig of my beer, before standing up and following him out of the door. We get outside; the door slamming loudly behind us.

"What's up man? Is everything ok?" I ask him concerned

"Yeah everything's fine, I just figured you'd want to listen to this." He says handing me his phone

"Press the play button when you're ready." He instructs before going back into the bar, I just stand there for a minute confused before pressing play. There are several times where I'm tempted to pressing the stop button, and erasing the recording, but I keep listening, and I go through various different emotions, listening to what was supposed to be a private conversation between Erin, and Kim. When recording is done, I send the recording to my phone before deleting it off of Adam's. I go back inside to give him his phone, before saying bye to the guys, and leaving.

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	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thank You to those following, and those who have been leaving me your thoughts, I really do appreciate each of you. Your reviews, follows, and favorites are really what motivate me to continue writing. This chapter is pretty short, but I'm going to try to make the next chapter longer, so bare with me. As always, I hope you like it, and Please Review.**

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Jump Chapter 4

Jay's POV

After leaving the bar, I find myself avoiding my apartment, driving around aimlessly, her broken, raspy voice replaying like a soundtrack in my mind. About two hours later I'm standing in front of Kim's apartment door, I knock, and it takes a minute before I hear footsteps nearing the door, and another couple seconds before the door actually opens.

Kim's POV

About five minutes after Erin left, there was a knock at the door, I figured it'd either be her realizing she forgot something, or it was a drunken Adam forgetting he had a key. Either way I padded over to my front door, and looked through the peep hole, seeing a familiar face, I open the door.

"Jay, what are you doing here?" I ask

"I uh, I don't really know honestly, I guess to talk to Erin." He answers quietly

"Oh umm, you just missed her, she left about five or ten minutes ago, but how'd you know she'd been here?"

"Uh Adam told me." He answers, and I think _'duh'_ but I can't help thinking that he's hiding something, he's avoiding eye contact, and his voice is cracking

"Oh."

"Well uh goodnight Kim, I'll see you on Monday."

"Yeah see you." I say, and he just nods and starts to walk away

"Jay?" I say after he takes a couple steps

"Yeah?" He says turning back around

"What else did Adam tell you, he had to of told you something to make you want to come here to talk to her?"

"Uh, no, nothing." He answers, squinting his eyes a little

"Jay. I can tell you're hiding something, so spill."

Jay's POV

' _Fuck'_ I think to myself as Kim questions what else Adam told me.

"Seriously nothing." I say looking everywhere but at my colleague and friend standing a few feet in front of me

"Has anyone ever told you that you're a horrible liar?" She asks, and I feel my heart break a little more thinking of the last time someone told me that. It was the night that I had asked if I could crash with her until the bounty on my head blew over, the night where she asked me if I was going to try to play scrabble with her too, and I just smiled, and pretended like that question didn't affect me, and that was night Maddie took a bullet meant for me. My thoughts are broken by Kim practically yelling my name, presumably because I had zoned out.

"Yeah?" I say shaking my head

"Are you going to tell me what it is you're hiding?"

"It's nothing you haven't already heard."

"What's that supposed to mean?" She asks furrowing her brows

"It means that what he gave to me, you already heard from her."

"He was listening to our conversation?" She yells into the hallway of her apartment building

"Shh, you're going to piss off your neighbors." I say trying to get her to quiet down

"I'm going to go before you get both of us in trouble, sorry for bothering you, goodnight Kim." I say turning around to leave again, and that's when I see Adam walking down the hall towards us

"Hey man, what are doing here?" he asks, and I can tell he's buzzed but not drunk, he's words only a little slurred

"I came to talk to her."

"Kim?" He asks looking at his girlfriend briefly before looking back at me

"No man, Erin." I answer

"Yeah, Jay was just telling me about what you gave to him." Kim says putting up air quotes when saying the word gave, my eyes go wide as I realize what she's doing, and I try to get Adam to look at me, to stop him from spilling but it's useless as he blurts it out as quickly as his buzzed state allows him to

"He told you about the recording?" He asks her as if I'm not standing a few feet away from him

"The what?" She yells, and I usher both of them into Kim's apartment, not really wanting to make anyone on her floor mad, closing the door behind us

"You fucking recorded our conversation Adam?" She yells again

"I'm sorry babe, but I thought he should hear it, he deserved to hear it."

"Get out, both of you get the hell out of my apartment. But first Adam give me your keys."

"What? No, I'm not leaving, and even if I was I wouldn't give you my keys." He says

"I'm not asking Adam, and I may be pissed as hell at you, but I'm not letting you drive drunk, you shouldn't have even drove from the bar, so give me your keys, and get out." She demands, and I just awkwardly stand by the door

"But how am I going to get home?"

"I don't know, ask your buddy over there, or maybe you could walk home, it'll give you a chance to sober up, and think about how wrong it was to do what you did."

"It wasn't the wrong thing to do, he deserved to hear it."

"I'm not saying that he didn't deserve to hear it Adam, but don't you think she should have been the one making that decision?" She says, and asks, and he just nods his head, before fishing in his pocket for his keys, he hands them over, and leans in, and that's when I look down at the floor, I hear him whisper

"I'm sorry." Before walking towards me, I open the door letting Adam walk out in front of me

"Jay?" I hear Kim say, just as I was about to close the door behind us.

"Yeah?" I answer opening the door back up a little

"She's still hurting too, and she just wanted to apologize to you." She says sadly, and I just nod my head again before closing the door, and walking to my car, where Adam is leaning up against the side of my truck.

Erin's POV

When the movie was over at Kim's, we were both exhausted, so I gave her a hug before heading home. I took a shower, trying to clear my head before I tried to go to sleep. It didn't work, I tossed and turned well into the early morning hours of Saturday. I just couldn't shut my mind off, thinking back to hours before, talking to Kim. I mostly thought about him, and how I fucked up, but I came to the decision that I was going to leave him alone, as much as I wanted to try clear the air, and truly apologize, so we could both let go and move on, I was going to respect his wishes, and leave him alone. With that thought, I finally fall asleep. I wake up at a little after noon, I sit there for about ten minutes just staring at the ceiling, then I lean over; reaching for my phone on the nightstand. I unlock it and I notice a text

 _Meet me at the café at 2._

 _-Jay_


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I had this chapter all planned out in my head, and then once I started writing, it actually went a completely different direction, but hopefully it's enjoyed nonetheless. I tried to stay motivated, and update on Friday, but my motivation seems to be touch and go, and I had a packed and emotional weekend, so here it is, better later than never, right? I tried my best but sometimes my best just isn't good. I understand if you don't want to comment, review or follow anymore.**

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 _Erin's POV_

 _When the movie was over at Kim's, we were both exhausted, so I gave her a hug before heading home. I took a shower, trying to clear my head before I tried to go to sleep. It didn't work, I tossed and turned well into the early morning hours of Saturday. I just couldn't shut my mind off, thinking back to hours before, talking to Kim. I mostly thought about him, and how I fucked up, but I came to the decision that I was going to leave him alone, as much as I wanted to try to clear the air, and truly apologize, so we could both let go and move on, I was going to respect his wishes, and leave him alone. With that thought, I finally fall asleep. I wake up at a little after noon, I sit there for about ten minutes just staring at the ceiling, then I lean over; reaching for my phone on the nightstand. I unlock it and I notice a text_

 _Meet me at the café at 2._

 _-Jay_

 _XXXXXX_

I just lay there in my bed, deciding if I should reply to him, but then Kim is calling me, and I answer it right away

"Hello." I say to her

"Hey Erin."

"What's up?"

"um I have been going back and forth all night, into this morning on whether or not I should call and give you a heads up." She says before pausing

"A heads up on what?" I ask confused

"uh Adam." She says quietly

"Adam?"

"Yeah he recorded our conversation last night, and gave it to Jay to listen to, I'm so sorry Erin."

"Kim why are you apologizing? It's not like you recorded it, and I'm sure Adam was just looking out for Jay, and it explains why Jay wants to meet up with me at 2."

"He came here last night just after you left, wanting to talk to you. I still feel bad."

"Kim stop, I'm not upset with or mad at you, and I understand why Adam did it."

"Well you're a lot more understanding than me; I kicked both of them out of my apartment last night for doing that." She says with a sigh, and I chuckle at that

"Thanks for the heads up, I'll talk to you later."

"No problem"

"Oh, and Kim."

"Yeah?"

"Take it easy on your boyfriend, it's not that big of a deal."

"Ok, I'll try."

"Alright bye."

"Bye."

We hang up, and I get up and start to do stuff around the apartment until about one thirty which is when I go to take a shower.

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Jay's POV

I texted her once I got home last night, so it's making me uneasy that she didn't reply to me at all and its quarter to two. But then I reread the message and I tell myself that I didn't exactly ask her, it was more like an order. I get to the café a few minutes early, and order our drinks, before going to sit at the corner table, "her spot". I sit there for about fifteen minutes waiting for her to come, and I get this sinking feeling that she isn't going to show, but then as I'm looking out the window, I see her coming out of one of the apartment buildings across the street. I watch her the whole time, as she walks down the concrete stairs to the sidewalk, making her way to the crosswalk, and then once she's close to the café I look down at my phone. The bell above the door rings, signaling that she walked in, and I take a deep breath, still not looking up from my phone, until she's sitting down across from me.

"I didn't think you were going to show."

"I thought about not coming, but then I thought that the only way that either of us are going to be able to move on, is to let go, and I don't think I'd be able to do that, leaving so many things left unsaid." She replies, and I think about her words, briefly thinking _'I don't want to move on from you.'_ But then I mentally kick myself for that thought, and decide I should probably talk

"Yeah I agree." Is all I say, even though I really don't, not completely anyway

"So what was it that I said to Kim that made you go from not wanting to see me at all, to telling me to meet you here?"

' _Of course she told you.'_ I think before replying "It was a tie." I say then pausing

"A tie between what?"

"the first thing was you not going to New York for what Voight wanted you to, it made me realize I was wrong." I say looking down at the coffee cup in my hand

"I would've told you on Monday, if you'd given me the chance, but there was so many different things racing through my mind by the time you told me to go, and I just wanted to leave you alone."

"That was wrong of me, and I'm sorry for blowing up at you like I did." I say to her, and she just nods, and says

"I'm sorry for the things I said too." We both sit there for a few moments in silence, taking sips from our cups

"Can I ask why you did it?"

"Did what?"

"Why'd you finally go against Voight?"

"Voight and I had been growing apart for a while, you knew that and when he split us up as partners, though it was justified, I blamed him for pushing a wedge even further between you and me, and then the whole review thing came down, and he brought in the FBI, I knew he was just trying to cover his tracks, he didn't care that my whole life was here, or that I wasn't going to be able to leave, and never come back."

"So why'd you go on the undercover mission, why didn't you just stay?"

"Ever since I graduated from the academy, my job has been my only constant, well that and Hank, no matter how much I wanted other things to stay as they were, no matter how much I didn't want things to fade or weaken, they always did, we lost Camille, Jules, Nadia and Justin over the years and then, in a different way I was losing my father figure, and you, the lo…" She stops half way through the word, and pauses before continuing "both of you at the same time." She says, and I can see the tears forming in her eyes, even as she's looking down at the cup in her hands, and then she looks up, her sad eyes meeting mine, and then her tears fall. I want so bad to reach over, and wipe away her tears, feeling her dimple cave in on the palm of my hand, as she gives me a sad smile, and leans her head into my touch, but I continue to hold the coffee cup in between my hands, knowing I can't do that.

XXXXXX

Erin's POV

"You weren't losing me Erin." He whispers

"I wasn't?"

"No."

"Well it sure as hell felt like I was." I say bitterly, yet quietly and he just looks back down at his coffee cup again

"And I couldn't lose my badge too." I say before sniffling

"So there was nothing that could have made you stay?"

"I didn't say that"

"What would you have stayed for?"

"The only thing was…." I say before taking a deep breath "You."

"Me?" He asks looking back up at me

"Yeah, you."

"Is that why you didn't come to Molly's that night, or answers any of my calls, or messages, because you would have stayed, I could have gotten you to stay?"

"Yeah." I answer with a huff

"I thought that I pushed you away to point where you just didn't care anymore." He says sadly, and I just shake my head at him

"Do you remember when I first met Will?"

"Yeah, it was in the breakroom, right after we cooled it."

"Do you remember what I said after he left?"

"You were happy saying that you met someone from my family, and I said I didn't think that'd be a big deal to you."

"Yeah, and then I said, just because I don't want to lose my job, doesn't mean I don't care about you, that's not going to change."

"And I said me too." He says with a small sad smile, and I give him one back

"That statement was just as true then as it was that night I left Jay, it's still true now. Just because I wanted to save my badge doesn't mean that I stopped caring about you, that I stopped loving you." I say as another tear slides down my cheek, and he nods. There's a few minutes of silence, and then I ask

"Sooo what was the other thing?"

And he looks at me, a look a confusion crossing his face

"Huh?"

"When we first started talking, I asked what about mine and Kim's conversation changed your mind, and you said it was a tie, so what was the other thing?"

"Oh." He says, and I can tell he's thinking

"The other thing was when you said that I hate you."

"What about it?" I ask

"I don't hate you Erin."

"Really? Cause that's what I got from our encounter on Monday. I don't blame you, and.." I say but he cuts me off

"Of course not Erin. You hurt me, a lot, and this last year my head and my heart have been constantly at war. I wanted to hate you, I wanted to, so that I could move on, but I just couldn't do it. There were times where I was angry, then times of extreme sadness, but I never hated you for leaving. I never stopped…." He says but then gets cut off by his phone ringing, and he reaches into his pocket, pressing the screen, and putting it up to his ear

"Halstead." He says, and then he's nodding his head, they probably just caught a case. He's only on the phone for a few more moments before he nods his head again, and then he hangs up, and puts the phone back in his pocket, then looking at me.

"Umm that was Dawson, we just caught a case, so I have to go, but I want to finish this." He says to me, and I just nod my head

"Ok."

"Thanks for meeting me here Erin, I'll be in touch." He says before racing out of the cafe, and hops into the sierra, and races off. I just sit there for a few more minutes, finishing my coffee, before I get up, and throw away the cup, and go back to my apartment. I just lay around for the rest of the day, replaying our conversation over and over again.

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Jay's POV

I drive off from the café, and when I'm about three blocks away I pull over, realizing Antonio hasn't sent me the location. I just sit there my head leaned back against the headrest, my eyes closed. I try to clear my head and get ready for this new case, but I keep seeing her red rimmed hazel eyes. The way her tears would roll over her eye lashes, run down her smooth cheeks, and then stop at her jaw before dropping down onto the table, others would be wiped away by her petite hands. My thoughts are broken by the ding from my cell phone indicating I got a text message. I look down at my phone, knowing where the location is, and that's it's not far from where I am, I drive off in that direction. When I get there I stay in the Sierra for a few moments just taking a few deep breaths, resting my head on my hands which are still on the steering wheel. Then there's a knock on the window, I turn my head towards the door, and see Adam. I take one more deep breath, before I'm reaching for the handle on the door, and get out of the truck,

"Hey man you ok?" He asks me

"Yeah I'm ok, let's just go before Dawson sends me another text asking where I am." I say moving to go around him, but he grabs my arm, and pulls me back towards the truck, and I yank my arm away from him

"Look man I'm sure this whole Lindsay situation is really messing with you, so if you need to sit this one out, you should just tell Dawson now."

"I'm fine."

"You sure you're good?"

"ADAM I said I'm fine, now move." I yell walking around him again.

He doesn't say another word, as both of us walk into the abandoned warehouse where the rest of the unit is already working the case, and Burgess is the one who gives us the run down.

"Three teenage girls discovered by a jogger and her dog. Two of the girls were DOA; third one was rushed to Med. They're not sure if she'll make it." She says then giving us the rest of the details

XXXXXX

Two weeks go by, and we just closed our triple homicide case. I'm walking into the district and I see Erin walking out, and I immediately notice how tired she looks

"Rough shift?" I ask, getting her attention

She sighs "You could say that, I guess I forgot how trying patrol can be." She says with a tired chuckle, and I chuckle too, remembering some of the "trying" times back when I was on patrol

"Yeah, well I'll let you go and get some sleep." I say and she just nods, before turning to walk away

"Hey Erin?" I say kind of loudly, and walk over to where turned back around

"Umm the guys and I, the unit we're uh going to Molly's tomorrow around ten, if you want to come?" I say and I can tell she's thinking about it

"I'd love to, but I'm picking up a shift, and I start at nine."

"Oh uh ok, well maybe next time." I answer trying not to sound to disappointed

"Yeah maybe." She says giving me a sad smile

"See you around Erin."

"Yeah see you." She says before walking away again, and I just stand there watching her leave

"Hey man." I hear Adam say beside me, as I continue to look in the direction she left in

"Hey." Is my reply

"What are you looking at?" He asks and I finally look at him; Kim standing next to him

"Huh, uhh nothing." I answer before the three of us are making our way inside, and up to the bullpen. With no active cases we spend most of the day catching up on paperwork, with the occasional game of paper football, or basketball breaking it up. But I still find myself getting zoning out, thinking of her.

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	6. Chapter 6

Jump Chapter 6

It's been about a month and a half since Erin started working patrol again, it's been hard, but she's grateful to still work for the Chicago Police Department. She just switched from third shift to first about a week ago, so that was an adjustment. But one of the hardest things isn't the new shift, or the idiotic rookie she is partnered up with, no, one of the hardest things is not working with her old unit, people that she used to consider family, she's been talking to Kim still, and they've had a few more nights where they hang out at one of their places, Hailey has even hung with them a couple times. The others don't seem to be too upset with her anymore, and they talk in passing on occasion, all of them actually, except for Jay. With him it's just "Hey" or "Hi", like they're trying to keep their distance. She can't help but feel as though the awkwardness is to keep themselves from getting too close again. It remains that way for a few more weeks until she gets one very unexpected call.

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Erin's POV

I was just walking in the door after work, and I drop my bag next to the table in the hall, throwing my keys on the table. I go to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water when my phone starts ringing in the back pocket of my jeans. I stop at the breakfast bar, and reach into my pocket. I see the name flashing on my screen and don't think twice before answering it.

"Hailey?" I say concerned

"I'm kind of panicking, I can't get a hold of anyone. I've tried calling Kevin, Jay, Kim none of them are answering. I know they're on a raid or something. I didn't know who else to call."

"Ok Hailey slow down, what's going on?"

"I need to go to the hospital, I'm in labor."

"I'll be right over." I say walking back over to the door, grabbing my keys off the table; I leave my apartment, and walk over to Hailey's. I walk into her building, and straight to her apartment. I can hear her pacing, and breathing heavily from the other side of the door, I knock

"It's open." She says, and I open the door, and walk in. She's got a duffle bag by the door, and she's got her phone held against her ear, pacing in front of her couch.

"Fuck, he's still not answering." She yells, and bends over in pain, placing her free hand on the arm of the couch, and I run over to her

"Maybe you should keep trying to get a hold of one of them on our way to the hospital."

"Yeah let's do that." She replies

"Ok, do you need anything else or just this bag?" I ask her picking up the black bag off the floor

"Just that it's got everything in…." She says before grabbing my hand and squeezing, screaming at the time

"Ok, we just need to go, I can come back if you need anything else." I say as we race out of the apartment, and out of the building; going to her car. She continues to try to get in touch with one of them while I speed off; trying to get to Med as soon as possible. When we get to Med, Hailey is immediately taken to a room, and they tell her what she already knew that she was in labor. Doctor Manning and I leave the room so Hailey can change into a hospital gown, with the help of a nurse.

"Will told me that you were back." Natalie says to me, adding something to Hailey's chart, on her tablet

"Yeah, I'm sure he wasn't too happy about my return. I'm sure he hates me too."

She gives me a sad chuckle at that "You'd have thought that, but I guess he was just hoping you and Jay would just leave each other be."

"Yeah."

"This is really nice of you to be doing this for her."

"She's my friend, plus she couldn't get a hold of anyone else."

"Well it's still nice." She says to me and I just nod in response

"I have to check on my other patients, but I'll be back to check on her in a little bit."

"Ok." I say grabbing my phone to call them, and turning towards Hailey's room

"Hey Erin?" She says, causing me to turn on my heel

"Yeah?"

"He doesn't hate you, he just doesn't want to see his brother hurt like that again."

"Ok." I say and she turns around and walks away. I first dial out Kevin's number, but it eventually goes to voicemail, then I call the rest of Intelligence hoping one of them will answer their phone. When I don't get an answer from any of them, I call Trudy. She answers on the second

"Platt." She says

"Hey Sarge, its Lindsay."

"What's up Lindsay."

"Umm well I was wondering if you had any idea what Intelligence is doing right now."

"They're just finishing up a raid, should be back soon, what's it to you?" She asks

"Upton's in labor, and we can't get in touch with anyone." I answer, and she doesn't say anything for a minute

"Platt?" I say

"I'll radio them now."

"Thanks."

"Yeah." She says and the line goes dead. As I'm putting my phone back in my pocket, the nurse is walking out, and I walk towards the door to Hailey's room, and stand in the doorway, just as she's having another contraction. _'They're happening closer and closer together, I hope Kevin gets here_ fast' I think to myself.

"Did you talk to anyone?" She asks

"I talked to Platt, they're on their way back in from a raid."

"Well I hope Kevin gets here soon." She says, I can tell she's worried

"I'm sure he'll be here as soon as possible." I say trying to reassure her that he'll get here on time, just then her phone rings, and she picks it up

"What kind of raid did you guys go on? I've been trying to get a hold of you for the last five fucking hours Kevin." She yells into the phone, before another contraction is ripping through her body

"Just get here now." She says into the phone, before pressing the end button, and slamming the phone down on the table. I go to stand by her side, and let her squeeze my hand so hard it turns white. A few minutes later the nurse comes in and gives her a cup of ice. Another fifteen minutes go by, and Kevin walks in. He has this worried look on his face, and I find myself thinking about how good this big teddy bear is going to be with their little girl. He comes over to the same side as me, avoiding the machines on the other side of the bed. He gives me a hug, before taking Hailey's hand in his.

"Thank You Erin." He says

"No problem, happy to help."

"Seriously Erin. Thank You." Hailey says, and I just nod; giving her smile, Doctor Manning and the nurse make their way back into the room as I'm walking out. I pull out my phone, looking down to see what time it was, and then I walk into someone, but I feel more like I walked into a wall. I would have fallen to the ground if it weren't for the pair of strong arms that were wrapped around me. Even before I looked up at his face, my body reacted like it always did whenever we touched. My knees go weak as I look into those familiar blue green eyes.

"I'm sorry." I say as I straighten myself out, and step away from him, I chuckle as I see Jay standing with a huge teddy bear, and about a half dozen pink balloons.

"No I'm sorry, I wasn't really paying attention either, but in all fairness you are usually clumsy, so you should really watch where you're going." He says with a chuckle

"Yeah I guess you're right."

"What are you doing here?" He asks

"Uh Hailey called me after she couldn't get a hold of any of you, so I went over to get her, and drove her here."

"Oh are you leaving?"

"Well I'm going to be but I have to wait for my uber, because I drove Hailey's car here, cause it has the car seat in it."

"You should stay." He says looking down at the teddy bear in his hand "I'm sure Kev and Hailey will want you to meet her."

"I don't know. It's not my family anymore Jay, it's not my place." I say sadly

"She called you didn't she?"

"Yeah because she couldn't get in touch with any one from the unit."

"Erin you're still apart of the unit, Kevin and Hailey, Kim and Adam, they're still your friends. You should stay." He says, and I smile at him

"You know she hasn't been born yet."

"Yeah I know, but now I can say Uncle Jay gave her first present." He replies, and I just shake my head at him as we walk to the waiting room. As we sit down I find myself wondering _'Why is he talking to me? Why is he saying full sentences directed towards me? Is it the situation? Or did something else happen?'_

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 **A/N: I'll try to update with the second half of this chapter as soon as possible. Sorry for any and all mistakes. Please review, and let me know what you think. Thank You.**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Sorry if this doesn't make sense, or if you feel it's stupid.**

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Jump Chapter 7

… _I just shake my head at him as we walk to the waiting room. As we sit down I find myself wondering 'Why is he talking to me? Why is he saying full sentences directed towards me? Is it the situation? Or did something else happened?'_

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Erin's POV

We're joined by the rest of the unit, soon after we sit down. We're there for a couple hours, before Kevin comes out.

"She's here." He says in an excited voice. Everyone stands to congratulate him; patting him on the back or taking turns giving him a hug. I just stay seated, and watch them, from the outside looking in. It's almost like one of those movies, where something happens, and one person takes a walk, and they pass this house, with this family all smiling and happy inside, making wish they had that. I smile at them, as I stand up. I give them one more glance, before I start to walk away. I'm standing outside booking my uber, when I hear the doors slide open. I look up and see Jay

"Hey Kevin was asking where you went." He says

"I didn't want to intrude."

"I told you earlier, you're Still a part of this unit, a part of this family."

"I don't feel like I am Jay, and I know it's no one's fault but mine, but I can't pretend like nothing's changed."

"Did you already book your uber?" He asks

"No, why?" I ask confused by the random question

"Take a ride with me?" He asks, and I continue to look at him as he looks down at his feet.

"Aren't you going to go see the baby?" I ask, causing him to look back up at me

"No we can't see her until tomorrow." He answers

"Come on Er. I'll take you back to your place after." He adds

"Ok." I say after a few moments, and he gives me a smirk. We walk to his truck in silence, and it continues into the first couple of minutes into the drive.

"Where are you taking me?" I ask

"Always so impatient." He answers with another one of his smirks that make my stomach flip

"We're almost there." He says, and then we go back to being silent. After another ten minutes, we stop, he parks the truck before getting out, not saying a word as he does, and I follow him.

"Jay what are we…" I start to ask before I realize where we are, and I gasp, tears instantly coming to my eyes.

"Do you remember this place?" He asks

"Of course, this is where you brought me for our first official date. God I haven't been here since that night."

"I came here a few months after you left, Voight said I needed to make peace with you not coming back, he said it was just time for you to move on. I wasn't ready, so I came here, and replayed that night in my head. I've been here so many times since that day, I've lost count. But that first day, I looked around and noticed all the changes, the difference in the landscaping, the new sculpture, the large crack that runs down the walkway and to the fountain that now takes the place of the table we sat at for our first official date." He says and I think he's done so I ask

"but wh

y'd you bring me here tonight?"

"Still being so impatient." He says with a slight chuckle before continuing. "You didn't let me finish. As I took in all the changes, I also relished in the things that hadn't changed, like the view of our city's skyline as you called it that night, or the view of the moon, and the sound of the waves crashing against the rocks here. I stood right here." He says coming to a stop "In the same spot where we kissed until we couldn't breath. Where I then stood with you standing in front of me; my arms wrapped around your waist, yours arms lying gently on top of mine. You were leaning back into me, your head on my chest, and I kissed your neck as we looked out into the darkness that hung over the lake…..This place has gone through changes both good and bad, " He says and looks down at his feet again like he was at the hospital

"I remember that night too, but you're rambling, and I don't understand why you brought me here?"

"You said that you can't pretend like nothing's changed. Well no one's asking you to pretend. But Er, you can't go the rest of your life focusing on things that are irreversible, things that you can't change back. Some of us have changed relationship statuses." He says sighing

"Others job titles, or positions, but the people that matter most are still here, we—they still care about and love you, that hasn't changed, and it never will. We've all made mistakes, and things have changed, but we—you can't let that keep you from living your life, and being with the ones you care about the most. People that you…that you love Er." He finishes just as we get to his truck.

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Jay's POV

I look over at her from the other side of the truck trying to gauge her expression, and for the first time I can't read her. I open the door and hop in, and I see her doing the same on the passenger side. I start the car but keep it in park, seeing if she wanted to talk before I take her home. She doesn't say anything, and I figure I should just let her think. So I put the car in reverse; pulling out of the parking spot before driving off. We get to her apartment building about ten minutes later. I park right in front of the stairs leading up to the door of the lobby. We just sit there for a few minutes, she's looking down at her hands as she fiddles with a string hanging off her shirt. Then she starts to speak just above a whisper

"I..I guess I just felt like this awkwardness, how everyone has been acting is the new normal, I thought that this is how things were going to go from now on, I assumed that everyone still hated me for what I did."

"Well you know what they say about assuming…" I say causing her to give me a confused look

"What?" She asks

"It makes an ass out of you and me." I say seriously before chuckling, and she gives me a smile that makes her dimples cave in ever so slightly, and she lets out a giggle, something that I've only ever heard her do with me.

"Here I was thinking you were going to share more of the wisdom you've been giving me for the last hour." She says, causing me to chuckle a little more. I take a few moments before becoming serious again.

"You know what I haven't been able to stop thinking about since you met me at the café that one day?"

"What?"

"When you said just because I wanted to save my badge doesn't mean I stopped caring about you, that I stopped loving you."

"Yeah what about it?"

"I've really been thinking about it a lot more tonight, since you said it wasn't your family anymore actually. Cause the unit never stopped caring about you Erin, they were hurt, we all were, some a little more than others, obviously, but we—they didn't stop caring about you, or loving you." I tell her and she looks down at her hands sitting in her lap. I take a deep breath before saying "I never stopped loving you." Just above a whisper. I see, out of the corner of my eye, her head snap up from where she was looking at her hands. I cautiously look over at her, her eyes wide as she stares me. My heart is racing, and my palms are sweating as I wait for her to respond.

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 **A/N: Hope you enjoyed this chapter, please review. Thank You.**


	8. Chapter 8

_I take a deep breath before saying "I never stopped loving you." Just above a whisper. I see, out of the corner of my eye, her head snap up from where she was looking at her hands. I cautiously look over at her, her eyes wide as she stares me. My heart is racing, and my palms are sweating as I wait for her to respond._

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Chapter 8

They sit there in his truck for another five minutes before either of them speak up.

"I know that I've done a terrible job of showing you that, but honestly I was afraid of getting rejected again, like when I asked you to come to Molly's that one night." He says with a chuckle, trying break the tension. It seems to work, as she laughs, while still looking down at her hands

"You asked me the day before, and I had to work." She says

"Yeah, yeah excuses, excuses." He replies, both chuckling a little, before getting serious again

"Can I ask, why tonight? Why did you decide to do this, to tell me tonight?"

"Why not tonight?"

"I don't know, it just seems so random, we've barely talked over the last couple months, and before, it was just, well hell, and now you tell me this?"

"Did you not want me to tell you?"

"Of course I wanted you to tell me Jay, I wanted to hear that more than I realized honestly, but I just don't get where it came from?"

"I don't know, there's just been something inside me, something yelling at me to tell you how I feel." He says, taking another deep breath "There's not a lot of things that scare me Er, but being away from you, fighting with you, being rejected by you." He adds with another chuckle. "Losing you scares the shit out of me, and I'd rather have you in my life even if it's just a little, than to lose you completely, again."

"Jay." She says but he just continues

"And seeing you at the hospital, I guess I was just done keeping that from you. I'm done letting the past cast a shadow over us. I don't want to keep distancing myself from you."

"I kept telling myself that we were keeping each other at arm's length to prevent ourselves from getting too close again." She says after another few minutes of silence

"I'm not saying we jump right back into the deep end, but we could at least be friends again. Right?"

"I'd like that." She says finally looking him in the eyes, and he just nods

"Well instead of continuing to sit your truck, as comfortable as it may be, do you want to go inside?" She asks

"Sure." He answers taking the keys out of the ignition, and waiting for her to open her door. When she does, he freezes there for a moment, wondering if this is real. She taps on the passenger window, breaking him from his thoughts, and then he opens his door and gets out. He meets her on the sidewalk, then following her up the stairs, into the building, and to her apartment.

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Jay's POV

When we walk into her apartment, my senses are taken over by everything that's so uniquely her. Her scent wafting my nostrils; her stuff that she took from the apartment last year is all here, on the walls. I walk in further, and take in the small apartment. She throws her keys on the table near the door, before moving towards the kitchen, and I'm standing near the breakfast bar, when I see a picture sitting in a black frame on the end table next to her couch I freeze.

"Do you want a drink?" She asks from the kitchen, and I just nod not taking my eyes off the picture.

"Jay you ok?" She asks as she walks up, and handing the beer to me

"Huh, uh yeah I'm fine..It's just that I thought you didn't care."

"What?"

"This picture, I found this same picture of us on the floor in the closet of the old apartment after you left, I thought you just left it there because you didn't care anymore. It was just another blow to my heart when I picked it up and turned it over." I say digging into my pocket for my wallet, and pulling out the folded and worn photo.

"I can't believe you had it this whole time. I looked for it in all my boxes, and I was devastated thinking I had lost it. I was so happy when I found that I still had it on my laptop. One of the first things I did when I got to New York was get it reprinted, and put into a frame. I needed something of you with me, especially when your shirts stopped smelling like you, and this picture I don't know, it just made me feel better, but also sad about what I lost, and left behind." She says sadly

"I still remember the day we took this picture." I say with a little chuckle. "We drove across the city to find a place where we were sure no one would run into us. Ended up at this random park with a huge pond and we just walked, and talked. We stopped and took this right before you ran over to the hot dog cart like a little kid seeing an ice cream truck."

"I did not run."

"Erin I'm pretty sure the hot dog guy was bracing himself just in case you ran into the cart."

"I didn't run Jay, but I was really hungry, we hadn't eaten in hours." She says, causing us both to laugh.

"I'm glad that you had it though."

"Me too." I say looking back down at the picture in my hand, she walks back over to the kitchen putting her bottle on the counter

"Do you want to watch the game?"

"Why did you actually remember to record it?" I ask

"Hey I'll have you know, that I've gotten a lot better at remembering to do it. I record all of the games just in case I'm working or something." She replies

"Oh, alright." I answer, and she moves to the coffee table in front of the couch and picks up the remote; turning on the TV, and turns the game on

"I'll be right back, I'm just going to change into some sweats."

"Ok." I say as I sit down on the small brown leather couch, that definitely has more function than form, I'm only a couple minutes into the game when she comes back out in a pair of sweatpants like she said but she also changed her shirt to something a little more loose fitting. I didn't notice how tired she looked until now, and I think about how I should let her go to sleep, but I selfishly don't want to leave. She goes to the counter to grab her beer before sitting down on the other side of the couch.

"What'd I miss?" She asks, while bringing her legs up to curl next to her body

"Oh just the first two innings." I say messing with her, as they replay the previous play, so you currently can't see the score nor what inning it is.

"I was not gone that long Jay." She answers with a smile

"Davies walked Rizzo, and Bryant hit a single to left field." I say and she nods. We watch the game in silence for the most part, talking every once in a while, and stealing glances at each other here and there. I pretend not to notice when she starts to nod off around the bottom of the seventh inning. I watch the rest of the game, and when it's over I grab our empty beer bottles, and put them next to her kitchen sink, before walking back over to the couch, where she's sleeping so peacefully. Her head is resting on one of her arms, while her other one is wrapped around her legs which are curled up to her chest. Some of her hair has fallen out of the messy bun she has on the top of her head, a few strands moving up and down with her even breaths. I go to pick her up, her arms wrap around my neck, and her head falls in the crook of my neck, her hot breath cause goose bumps to erupt across my body, and I bite my cheek as the smell of her perfume intensifies, and serves as an aphrodisiac, making my knees jeans tight, and my knees weak. I carry her to her room, and lay her down on her bed, pulling down the covers, just to pull them up and over her body. She gets comfortable and cuddles into a couple of her six pillows sprawled out on her bed in just the way she likes. I smile as I think back to that day a few days as we moved in together. She was so nervous to tell me about the pillows, but I knew that living together was an adjustment especially for her, so I pretended that it didn't bother me that I couldn't just reach over and pull her into me in the middle of the night, even though it did, a lot. She slowly stopped pulling them out every night, opting to cuddle into my side instead. It saddens me that she had to go back to using them again. I start to lean down, but then stop, wondering if it's appropriate, I shrug my shoulders, before leaning down again, and pressing my lips to her forehead, letting them linger briefly before stepping away. I walk to the door, flipping the switch to shut off the lights, whispering

"Goodnight Er." Before walking out, shutting the door behind me. I grab my keys, and wallet, and leave the apartment. I make sure the door is locked when I close the door. I drive home, and park my truck in my underground garage. I just sit there for a few minutes replaying tonight's events. I feel as though a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders, but the sense of relief doesn't last for long, as I think about how I should have told her more, more about the night she left, and the months that followed.

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 **A/N: I hope everyone had a good weekend, and I also hope you enjoyed this chapter. As always please leave your thoughts, whether on here or Tumblr, your words are appreciated, and they're my motivation to keep going. Thank You.**


	9. Chapter 9

Jump Chapter 9

It's been a few days since little Kassidy Vinessa Atwater was born, and Erin still hasn't been by to meet her. Kim told her that Hailey and the baby are being released tomorrow, so she decides to go see them at the hospital today as she's sure the new little family will want to be left alone to get settled in once at home, and she has off again today. She does her usual morning routine, first going to the kitchen to get herself a cup of coffee, before going to take a shower. When she gets out, she walks to her closet, letting the towel drop to the ground to put on her bra, and panties, and that's when her phone rings. She takes a step to the side, picking her phone up from the nightstand next to her bed.

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Erin's POV

"Hi Jay." I say

"Hi." He answers

"What's up?"

"Kim said you had off today."

"Yes."

"Did you have any plans?"

"I was just getting ready to go to the hospital to see baby Kassidy."

"Oh, alright." He says, and I can tell he's disappointed "Well I'll let you finish getting ready then. Talk to you later Er."

"Yeah" I say and he mumbles something else before I hear him say "Ok bye."

"Wait Jay." I all but yell, my heart racing, as I work up the courage to say what's on the tip of my tongue; thinking that he had already hung up, but then he answers

"Yeah."

"Do you want to come with me? Then maybe we can hang out or something after, if you want. I understand if you don't want to. I just figured I'd ask. I know you asked first technically…" She says quickly, and he cuts her off

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Jay's POV

"Erin, Erin you're rambling." I say chuckling, knowing she only rambles when she's nervous

"I'd like that." I say with a smile.

"Can you meet me here?" she asks

"Uh sure, I'll be there in a second."

"Ok see you in a bit."

"Ok." He says before we hang up

Erin's POV

I go back into my closet, but don't actually get anything on before there's a knock at the door, and I just smile wider than I already was, and shake my head. I grab the robe sitting on the hook on the back of the bathroom door, before going to open the door for him.

"How did you get here so quickly? I didn't even get a chance to finish getting dressed."

"I was already at the café getting a coffee, and I only live a block away." He says handing me the coffee cup in his left hand

"Thanks, come in, and I'll go finish getting ready."

"Ok." He says as he walk past me, and into the living room

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Jay's POV

I gulp as she opens the door in a thin light purple robe. I try to control my breathing, as my eyes travel up and down her body. The robe stops at the middle of her thighs, yet her smooth legs look miles long. The sleeves cover most of her arms, the grey tie that is tied around her belly is tight enough to leave what lies underneath to the imagination, and my mind runs wild with pictures of the skin that is hidden beneath the silky material. I shake my head, trying to focus on the words she's saying to me, I mentally kick myself for thinking of her like that, reminding myself that she's not mine anymore, not like that anyway. I still manage to engage in conversation, even as my brain refuses to push my feelings aside. When she walks off towards her bedroom, I go to sit on the arm on her couch. I'm only left alone with my thoughts for no more than a few minutes, before she walks back out dressed in a pair on capris, a red skin tight t shirt, and a pair of converse on her feet.

"Are you ready to go?" She asks as she steps to the side a little grabbing her coffee cup.

"Yup." I answer, taking a sip of my coffee, she picks up her keys, turning her head to face me.

"I'm driving." She says, and I smile letting her lead the way out of the apartment and the building. Once we're driving to the hospital, she asks me

"So how long have you lived over there?"

"About eight months, I actually moved there before Hailey." I reply, and I can tell she wants to ask something else, her mouth opening and closing a few times, before it stays shut, and the rest of the car ride is silent except for the music coming from the radio. I look over at her, and realize how much I missed this, driving in the car with her, it's something most people would consider so small, so trivial in their relationship, maybe they'd even think it was weird for me to miss this time with her, but I did, I missed everything to do with her. I'd be lying if I said it didn't bother me to be stuck in the passenger seat all the time at first, but after a while I got used to it, and it was something that I looked forward to. We had some good times with her behind the wheel and even on the gloomy days, where we didn't talk at all, the music filling the car. I'd look over at her, much like I am now, and it's as if her body would just become completely relaxed, as if driving calmed her, I guess it gave her something else to focus on, and every once in a while, if I listened close enough I could hear her humming along with the songs, like she is now. The car comes to a stop, as I break from my daydream, I look out of the window before looking back at her again. She gives me a smile that doesn't reach her eyes, before she gets out of the car, and I follow. Once inside, I lead her to their room. I knock, and hear Kevin's deep, but quiet voice

"Come in." He says, and I open the door. Hailey's sitting up in the bed, holding their little pink bundle. I step to the side, letting Erin walk further into the room.

"Erin, it's so good to see you."

"Good to see you too Hailey, I've wanted to come see her, and figured I do it today, since I heard you're getting released tomorrow."

"I'm glad you came, I've wanted her to meet you, and I wanted to say thank you again for answering that day, and bringing me, bringing us here."

"No problem Hailey." Erin says walking closer to the bed to take a peek at the tiny human in Hailey's arms

"Do you want to hold her?" Hailey asks

"Can I?"

"Of course. She needs to meet her Auntie Erin." Kevin says with a smile from across the room, and she gives him a faint smile. I pick up a chair, and bring it closer to where she stands just in case she wants to sit down while holding her. Hailey transfer her baby from her arms to Erin's. She looks down at the baby, cooing and whispering things to her, that I'm sure none of us can hear, bouncing her lightly as she does. Then she looks up at me, and my heart nearly leaps out of my chest at the look on her face, and the light in her eyes, but then she looks back down at the infant in her arms when she grunts. Kevin stands up from his chair, and walks over to the bed giving Hailey a kiss on the forehead, and whispering something to her, before he walks towards me,

"I'm just going to stretch my legs, you want to take a walk with me?" He asks me, still looking at Erin

"Uh yeah, yeah I'll come with you." I reply. We walk around the floor, going to the vending machines; he pulls out some change to get himself a bag of chips.

"So I gotta ask." He says before pausing to put a chip in his mouth

"What's that?" I say

"What's going on between you and Lindsay?"

"Nothing, we're just friends."

"You don't honestly think I'm that stupid, do you Jay? I saw the way you were looking at her, and you don't look at your friends like that, there's something else there." He says

"Yeah well I didn't have anything like I had with her with any of my other friends, and there'll always be something else there."

"But you want to have something more with her again, don't you?" He asks, and I just look down at my feet, and then he hands me his phone, I don't even look at it, instead giving him a confused look

"Look at the phone man." He says and I do as he says. The picture displayed on his phone, makes heart feel the same as when she looked up at me after Hailey handed her Kassidy. In the photo, you can only see Erin looking down at the baby, her posture so natural not rigid, or tense like mine was when I first held their baby. The smile on her face is so wide, her dimple is out in full force, and I can't stop the smile the spreads across my face as I admire the picture.

"It's kind of crazy to think that if I had gotten the chance to propose to her that night maybe this could be us too, or we could be close behind." I say as I hand him his phone back, and I look up and my eyes are immediately met with her tear filled ones, a tear making its way down her cheek slowly.

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The guys are only gone for a few minutes, when one of the nurses comes in to check on the Kassidy, when I transfer her to the nurse, she started wailing, and I look down at her, gently sweeping my hand over her thick brown waves on the top of her little head, before giving Hailey a concerned looked

"I'm sorry sweet girl, I just have to check on you, and it's about time for you to be fed." She coos to her

"I think she liked you Erin." Hailey says

"Do you want us to give her a bottle, or do you want to nurse her." The nurse asks Hailey

"I'll nurse her." Hailey answers, and I excuse myself to go find Kevin, and Jay, I eventually find them the vending machines, but I stop dead in my tracks when I hear their conversation, and my heart breaks when I hear Jay say

"It's kind of crazy to think that if I had gotten the chance to propose to her that night maybe this could be us too, or we could be close behind." And when he looks up, I can't stop the tear that escapes, and rolls down my face. He starts to move towards me, and I take a step back, which causes him to stop. I look over at Kevin

"Umm I came to find you guys, cause Hailey's about to feed Kassidy." I say to him

"Thanks, I should probably go back to them." He replies, and I just nod my head

"I'm glad you came to meet her Erin, once we're all settled at home, you should come by for a longer visit." He says pulling in me for a side hug

"I'd love that." I say to him, still not looking at Jay, and then he walks back in the direction of their room. Then I look at Jay, walking closer to him; he has this sad look on his face, I'm tempted to reach up and touch him, but I know I can't. I'm so mad at myself for what I did to him, but now even more so knowing what his intentions were that night. I'm also sad and confused. I don't say anything to him, I just grab his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze quickly before releasing it.

"I'm so sorry Erin, I wanted to tell you, I just didn't know how to bring it up." He says sadly

"You're not the one who should be apologizing Jay, but maybe we should talk about this somewhere else." I say

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Jay's POV

I nod my head when she suggests that we should talk somewhere else, and I follow her into the elevator, and out of the hospital. We just sit in the car for a moment, before she pulls out of the parking lot, I expect her to go back to her apartment, but she doesn't, I want to ask where we're going, but decide against it, because I know where ever it is, I'm just glad she wants to talk about this, instead of pushing me away. We pull onto a bridge, that gives the perfect view of the city, it's tucked away, so there's literally no one else around. She opens the door and gets out, and I take a deep breath before doing the same.

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 **A/N: I'm going to try to write, and update the next chapter soon. Your kind words, are my motivation, so please review, and I'll try to update asap. Thanks.**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: I hope you enjoy this chapter, it's not the best, but I already have the next chapter started that I think will be liked more. I'll try to update this, and The Fighters again as soon as possible. Thanks to those of you who continue to leave reviews, I really do love reading them. Also to the guest who was wondering if I was going to dive into what gave me the idea for the title of this fic, I didn't go into detail, because I honestly don't really know why I named it Jump.**

 **XXXXXX**

 _I nod my head when she suggests that we should talk somewhere else, and I follow her into the elevator, and out of the hospital. We just sit in the car for a moment, before she pulls out of the parking lot, I expect her to go back to her apartment, but she doesn't, I want to ask where we're going, but decide against it, because I know where ever it is, I'm just glad she wants to talk about this, instead of pushing me away. We pull onto a bridge,that gives the perfect view of the city, it's tucked away, so there's literally no one else around. She opens the door and gets out, and I take a deep breath before doing the same._

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Jump Chapter 10

They walk over to the side of the bridge. He keeps his gaze on her as she leans against the stone structure. Her eyes looking down at her hands, and tears continue to cascade down her cheeks. He wants to wipe them away, and tell her it's ok, but his hands stay at his sides and the words don't come. He waits for her, giving her time to think. They're standing there for another ten minutes, and that's when she talks.

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Jay's POV

"This has always been my place to go, even when I was a teenager, I'd come here just to think, or clear my head, even come down from a high. I loved looking out at the city. I guess there was always something about this place that brought me peace even if just for a little bit. I came here that night to make the decision to leave. At one point I had my world laid out in front of me, in one hand I had one of Justin's dog tags, it had Hank's thumb print on it. I thought about throwing it, and watching it glimmer in the orange of the streets lights before disappearing into the darkness, but then I reminded myself that it wasn't just Hank's it was Justin's too, so I couldn't do it." She says before sniffling, and wiping her face

"I looked down and ran my thumb over the cool metal, and then my phone started to ring. With my other hand I took my phone out of my pocket. Your name flashed on the screen, I thought about answering, I thought about telling you where I was, and letting you talk me into staying, but then I looked back out at the city in front of me. There was so much more out there, so much that I felt I couldn't give you. I remember thinking that you deserved better, deserved more than me. It was then that I declined your call, and slid my phone back into my pocket, giving this city, my city one last glance before leaving. When I thought about leaving my home, it wasn't the city, or the apartment , not even the unit or Voight. It was you, you were my home Jay. And I'm so sorry, I really am, I know how much it hurt me, so I can't imagine the pain that you went through, I'm sorry." She says with a fresh set of tears forming in her eyes, and that's when I touch her. I reach out slowly and gently cupping her jaw, turning her head to face me.

"Erin I'm not going to lie, and say you just disappearing didn't hurt, because it hurt more than being shot, or tortured, but we're both to blame for that. Not just you, and not just me, both of us." I say before pausing briefly; thinking of my next words "Do you want to know why I wanted to propose?" I ask not giving her a chance to answer, before continuing "it wasn't just because I love you more than anything else in the world. It was because even though we weren't together I wanted you to know that I was willing to be your back up for life. I wanted to be there for better or worse with you. I'm not naïve, I knew that a proposal, and a ring on your finger wasn't going to magically fix things between us, and make the things you were dealing with go away. But I hoped you'd say yes, so you could look down at my mom's ring on your finger and know that there was always going to be someone in your corner. I wanted to propose because you are my home too Erin." I say, still looking into her beautiful, sad, hazel eyes. I pull her into a hug, and she buries her face into my chest, and soon enough I feel her tears soak through my shirt. I place a few kisses to the top of her head, as a few tears of my own fall from my eyes. We stand there like that until her breathing calms again, and I feel her mumble something into my chest. I put my hands on her shoulders, and gently push her away a little, her hands still on my chest, and she looks up at me.

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Erin's POV

"What'd you just say?" He asks softly, with a sad smile and I bite my lip nervously looking back down at my hands on his chest, watching them rise and fall with his rapid breathing. I move my right thumb up and down where I can feel his heart beat thumping against his chest. Then I dare to look up at his face, and I pull away from him, leaning against the cool stone of the bridge, and looking out at the city buzzing in front of me.

"I would have said yes. If you ever wondered what I would have said it would have been yes." I say to him.

"I tried to stop myself from thinking about it, but I'd still find myself wondering every once and awhile, but hearing it now doesn't make me feel any better, I could have done more, tried harder to get ahold of you or find you, maybe what I said at the hospital was true, that could have been us."

"I'm really sorry Jay, and I know that an apology doesn't fix anything, or make what I did to you go away, but I want you to know." I say, looking at him, but he's still looking down at the ground, kicking a little pebble around. We don't say anything for about ten minutes, and then it starts raining, and we both walk back over to the car, and get in. I drive back to my apartment, and park in my usual spot. The awkwardness from weeks ago is back, and I try to think of something to make it go away but nothing comes. He's looking down at his hands, as he says

"Well I umm…I'm going to head home, I'll uh talk to later Erin." Opening the door, he sits there with his back to me for a brief moment, before getting out. The words I want to say get lost, and he's gone. I eventually get out of the car, and go inside.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: You can thank my lack of sleep for the next few chapters, as well as all the mistakes. Btw I knew that last chapter wasn't great but damn I didn't realize it was that bad. Sorry guys, I'll try to make it more exciting for you in these next few chapters, just bare with me please. This chapter is definitely a filler, but I hope it's not as bad as the last one.**

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Chapter 11

A week has gone by, and Jay and I haven't talked since that day, that is until Kim invites us both to Molly's one night. Kim, Adam, Antonio, Sylvie and I are all sitting or standing around one of the tables near the back of the bar. We talk about work, and such, and then he walks in, and goes straight to the bar. I can't keep myself from stealing glances in his direction, as he waits for his drink and eventually Herrmann hands him a beer, and he then joins us at the table. I'm sitting next to Kim, and he's standing on the other side of her. He looks at me, any time that he's not engaged in the guy's conversation, and I look away, and pretend not to notice.

"Do you want another drink?" I turn to ask Kim, and he looks over at me then, his eyes meeting mine for the first time tonight.

"Uh I'm good thanks." She answers, as she gives both of us a confused look, before turning her attention to Adam, who's just at the other side of Jay. I walk over to the bar, and wait for Herrmann to come take my order. At some point Jay comes to stand next to me.

"So I can't tell if we're mad at each other, or are we just sad, or is it that we just don't know how to get past this awkwardness?" He says leaning against the bar, and turning his head towards me.

"I'm mad, but not at you. I'm mad at myself for what I did to you, and sad."

"Erin it is what it is, we can't go back, and change what happened. I'm not mad at you, so neither should you be." He says, and I mull over his words, as he pauses briefly

"I thought we already established that we're going to try to be friends."

"Yeah, and?"

"And how are we supposed to that if we're constantly not talking to each other."

"So what do you want to do?"

"Right now, I think we should ditch this place. The game starts in like twenty minutes, we could go get take out, and some beer, and watch it at one of our places."

"Ok, we can do that, but what about...?" I say

"We'll figure it out as we go." He says with a nod.

"Alright well let's head back over there, I'll say I'm going to head home cause I'm wiped, I'll grab the food. Then in like fifteen minutes you say you're not feeling good or something. Oh and text me your address."

"Right." He says, before we walk back to the table. I do as I said; giving them my excuse, and even throwing in a yawn, before saying goodnight, and leaving. I get the food, and he sends me his address. When I get there, I get out of my car, and walk to his apartment, leaning against the door as I wait for him. About ten minutes later, he walks up. He unlocks the door, and opens it, letting me walk in first. I thought I'd be greeted with a bachelor pad, like he had when we first became partners, and started hanging out at each other's places. So it both surprises and saddens me, as I walk further into the apartment, built similarly to my own, and seeing the temporary appearance of it. The walls painted a basic eggshell, with nothing hung on them. A couch similar to the one from his old apartment sits in the middle of the room, facing the TV which is set on a plain black entertainment by itself. He still has boxes sitting off to the side, and even down the hall towards his room. There's no personal touch like the red and white motorcycle picture that use to hang above his bed, or even the horseshoe that was above his apartment door. I realize this isn't his old place, but there's nothing here that makes this new place his. His voice breaks me from my thoughts

"Are you just going to stand there the whole time or are you going to come, sit down, and eat?" He asks, I don't answer, I just walk to the couch, and sit down on the other end of it. I pick up one of the take out containers, and scoop some of the fried rice onto one of the plates he brought in from the kitchen.

"I'm so hungry." I say, as I pick up one of the egg rolls

"You're always hungry." He replies, I roll my eyes at him before turning my attention to the game that he turned on. We finish eating, and we take all of the take out containers, and our plates to the trash, during a commercial before settling back down. Still sitting on opposite ends of the couch, I find myself wanting to go cuddle up to his side, as he stretches his arm out on the back of the couch. I can see his muscles flex through the red shirt he's wearing, and it makes it even more tempting, but I think better of it, and lean into arm of the couch. I fall asleep sometime during the bottom of the fifth, and only wake hours later, to a crash coming from the kitchen. I open my eyes at the loud sound, but immediately shut them again, temporary blinded by the early morning sun shining through the windows. I rub my eyes before opening them again, and I get up, pushing the blanket off me, that I assume he put on me last night, and I make my way to the kitchen.

"Stop." He yells, and I do as he says looking down at the ground just in front of me. He's squatting using a little brush to sweep the glass shards of what I assume used to be a mug into a dust pan, once he's got all the smaller pieces, he picks up a large piece with his hand

"Fuck." He says, immediately walking over to the sink. I pick up the dust pan, and pour the shards into one of the take out containers sticking out of the top of the trash can, and closing the top, so the glass doesn't rip the bag. Once I complete that, I walk over to the sink, and stand next to him

"Let me see." I say to him, and he turns off the water, and places his hand in mine. I look over the cut, it's a nice slice, but nothing too serious.

"I don't think you're going to need stitches, but you should get it looked at just in case. Why would you pick up that piece with your hand?" I ask him sternly

"I don't know." He says, shrugging his shoulders

"Well here, hold this to it. I'll drive you to the hospital, just let me get my shoes on."

"No need, I'll just text my brother, he lives in one of the apartments upstairs."

"Oh well I should get going then, but you should text him like now."

"No you shouldn't go anywhere, at least not yet, I made breakfast." He says, with one of his signature smirks that makes my knees weak, as he nods in the direction of the food already on plates behind us and I look at the food, and wonder how I didn't notice the smell of the pancakes, and bacon.

"Jay that's really sweet, but your brother is going to be pissed when he sees me here."

"I don't care how pissed he gets, besides nothing happened. Now can you text him from my phone, and ask him to come down here with his medical stuff."

"Alright." I say grabbing his phone off the counter, and texting Will. It only takes about five minutes before we hear a knock on the door. Jay walks over, and opens it letting his brother in. He stops dead in his tracks when he sees me, and I look down nervously, trying to avoid his gaze.

"What is she doing here Jay?" He yells at his brother, and I flinch at the booming voice that I've never actually heard from the older Halstead

"None of your business."

"It is my business Jay, your my brother, and she completely ghosted you, and left you heartbroken."

"Will shut up." Jay says

"Now she all of a sudden turns back up after a year, and is spending the night at your apartment. How could you be so stupid Jay, I told you when you asked for mom's ring that she didn't want to be saved, but I don't think that's the case, it's that she can't be saved."

"WILL" Jay yells, as he pins his brother with one hand up against the wall, and I take the opportunity to walk to the door, and leave, but Jay releases his grip on his brother, and he grabs my bicep firmly.

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Jay's POV

"Hey, don't listen to him, he's an asshole." I say still not letting go of her arm, but she won't look at me.

"Er look at me, please?" I plead, and she reluctantly does

"I'm sorry, you know I don't feel that way."

"It's fine Jay, I get it." She says trying to blink away her tears "You have every right to hate me." She says looking at Will

"No one hates you Erin."

"I don't hate her, but I don't agree with you being with her."

"Well I guess it's a good thing I didn't ask for your permission then isn't it? It's my life Will, not yours."

"God you're really going to let her back into your life just." He says snapping his fingers "like that. I remember you saying that you could never say no to her, but I didn't think she had that much power over you. What is the sex really that good, Jay?" He yells and that's when she yanks her arm away

"I'll see you around Jay." She says before walking out of the door, and I turn to my brother, then following her.

"Erin wait." I say stepping out of my apartment.

"Please don't leave like this, he'll just be a few minutes, and then we can enjoy our breakfast. I don't want to go back to not talking to you again. Please?" I plead with her, and she turns around, tears streaming down her face, and walk closer to her wiping them away, and she nods into the palm of my hand

"Ok." She says. Hesitantly following me back into my apartment

"Ok, you can wait in my room, and I'll come get you when he leaves." I say, and she gives me a sad smile before walking to my room, and closing the door, and walk over to where my brother stands near the breakfast bar.

"Get the fuck out of my apartment." I yell at him

"What'd you expect Jay. You thought I was going to be all buddy, buddy with her. Well I'm not going to just let her come back, just to leave, and send you down that dark hole again."

"I expected you to act right, and it's funny that you even know about that Will seeing as how you were nowhere to be found when I was going down that dark hole. Now get the hell out before I throw you out." I say

"What about your hand?" He asks gesturing towards my hand wrapped in dish towel, causing me to look down at it

"I'll live." I say looking back up at him, "Now get the fuck out."

"So you're picking her over me?" he asks

"I don't think you really want me to answer that."

"Wow, all for what Jay? And how long is it going to last this time? How long before she runs again? Then what are you going to do? You pick her, and I'll go, but I'll refuse to sit by, and watch you struggle to get through it again."

"Oh was watching me struggle really that hard for you Will? Cause you seemed perfectly fine doing other things with your girl, as I kept slipping. You didn't help me that was my unit; people that aren't even my blood got me through. Not you, so don't stand here and pretend like you're trying to protect me as if you know what I went through." I say, and he looks down at his feet

"You don't have anything to say to that?..." I yell pausing briefly, and taking a deep breath. "Look I'm not saying I needed you to pick me up, or pull me out. But don't bring her down for doing what she had to, to ensure she still had a job; she thought that it was all she had left, because I made the biggest mistake of my life, and walked out on her. So before you continue to yell, and throw a fucking fit, maybe you should remember where you were, and what was more important to you at that time, because it sure as hell would been nice to have my brother there, while I dealt with shit that had nothing to do with her." I say sternly

"She's no good for you Jay, she's not the type of girl that mom had in mind for you, she's not the one." He says with his hand on the door knob.

"You're wrong again."

"Oh how so?"

"Mom would have loved her, she would have loved everything about her, she's not just the one, she's my only one, and mom would have known that."

"Yeah right." He scuffs, before he turns to leave. "Oh and Will." I say just as he's about to walk out into the hall. He turns his head to look over his shoulder.

"Just in case you didn't realize, I pick her, and I'll always pick her." I say sternly, he just nods his head, and walks out of the door, closing it behind him.

The room falls silent, and I realize that the shower is running. I don't know whether to be relieved or sad that she didn't hear the end, if not the whole conversation I just had with my brother. As I continue to think about that, I walk over to the counter, and place our food in the microwave to heat it back up. After another few minutes I hear the shower turn off, and another couple minutes go by before Erin walks into the kitchen as well, her tears have stopped, and she even gives me a sad smile.

"How good of a nurse are you?" I ask, as she walks up next to me.

"He didn't do anything for it?"

"He asked about it, but I told him I'll live."

"Jay."

"What? At least it stopped bleeding."

"You should still get it checked out."

"Yes ma'am." I say earning a little smirk from her.

We sit at the breakfast bar, and eat the food I prepared.

"So how bad did I mess things up between you and your brother by being here?"

"You didn't mess anything up Erin, we've been arguing with each other our whole lives, we'll get over it eventually." I say placing my hand on hers, and giving it a gentle squeeze. We eat the rest of our food, and talk about the part of last night's game that she slept through, and then she goes home, and I find myself wishing I had more time with her.

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 **A/N: Please Review.**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, if not then I'm not going to try to update as often, the number of reviews has declined. And I know I sound like a broken record, but reading your thoughts are really my motivation. At first I told myself it was because of the holidays, but then it lost followers, so if its not worth reading, reviewing, or following then is it worth me taking the time to write it? Fine if you've lost interest, I didnt think I'd get here with either of my stories, but to get to a point, and then backtrack, sucks. Sorry for rambling. Thanks for my loyal followers, I hope I don't disappoint, and Happy New Year. Much Love.**

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Jump Chapter 12

Five months later

It's about nine on a Friday, and Erin's sitting at the bar at Molly's waiting for Jay. They've gotten back into this friend's routine over the past few months, like it was before they started dating years ago. They'd usually meet at Molly's or maybe another bar, and then they'd go to one of their apartments to watch a game, or movie. She wasn't sitting by herself for very long, as Severide came up from behind her, and placed his hands on the bar on either side of her chair, and she turns around in her seat to meet his bright blue eyes. They start talking, a few minutes go by, and she faintly hears the front door open and close. She doesn't turn her head to see if it's Jay, but she knows it's him.

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Jay's POV

I walk into Molly's at around quarter after nine, and I scan the bar to see where Erin is, if she's even here yet. It's not long before I spot her sitting at the bar talking to Severide, who is leaning close to her, his hands propped up on the bar to either side of her body. I don't know how to feel, part of me feels like throwing up, but my blood boils also as I see the firefighter lean in and whisper something in her ear, which causes her to laugh loudly. I contemplate just walking right back out of the door, but I think she knows I'm here, so I decide to go tell her I'm not really feeling well, which isn't a total lie and then head out. When I'm only a few feet away from them, is when she turns her head to look at me, and gives me a small smile. I give a half-assed smirk, and her eyebrows knit together as if silently asking me what's wrong, and I just shrug.

"Hey." She says all cheerfully, as she turns her body towards me, and then the firefighter places his hand on the back of the stool she's sitting on.

"Hey, I um, I'm not really feeling too good, I thought I could shake it off, but I guess not, so I'm just go to head home."

"Oh that sucks." She says, giving me a disappointed look "Well you should go home, get some rest, and then maybe we can try this again tomorrow night."

I just nod, saying "Maybe, goodnight Er."

"Goodnight." She says giving me another confused look, before I turn around, walking towards the door, and then exiting the bar.

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Erin's POV

I watch Jay leave the bar, and then I decide to go after him, I may not be able to read him like I could before, but I could tell something was wrong.

"Alright, well I'm going to go home too then, so goodnight Kelly, and tell Stella I said hi."

"Will do Erin, goodnight." He says to me, as I grab my jacket, and throw some money on the counter, before racing out of the door. Luckily Jay is parked pretty far away so I'm able to run and catch up to him, and grab his bicep.

"Hey Jay wait." I say to get him look at me

"Is everything ok? Did I do something wrong?" I ask him as his sad eyes meet mine

"No, I just don't feel good."

"Ok, and let's say I actually believe that, why would you have still come to the bar, and not just text me?"

"I already said I thought I could shake it off, you seemed to be having a good time with the firefighter, so I didn't think you'd mind, you should go back to him, enjoy yourself." He says before looking down at his feet.

"Can I go home now? It's cold."

"Yeah, sorry." I say to him, letting go of his arm

"Don't be sorry, I just don't want either of us to freeze." He says "Goodnight again Er."

"Goodnight again Jay." I say, then turning around to head to my own car, and then I go home myself. I continue to think about the exchange, and what was up with him on the drive to my apartment. Then I think about what he said outside by his car. _'You seemed to be having a good time with the firefighter, so I didn't think you'd mind.'_ And replaying that is when it clicked, he was jealous. Once I get inside, and change into my pajamas, I text Kim, wanting to talk it out with someone. First she suggests that I bring it up next time I see him, but then she changes it to waiting for him to bring it up.

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Saturday morning, I'm tidying up the house, when I get a call from Hailey, I answer right away.

"Hey Hailey." I say into the phone

"Hey Erin, I have a big favor to ask you."

"Ok, what's up?"

"Well Kevin and I we're supposed to have a date night tonight, but our babysitter asked off for something this weekend, so we asked Kim but Kim just called, and said she thinks she's coming down with something, and doesn't want to give it to the baby. So I was calling to ask if maybe you could watch Kassidy tonight? If not, that's fine, I know it's late notice, I just figured I ask."

"I'd love to babysit for you guys, what time should I come over?"

"Our reservation is at 7, but maybe you could come over at around 6:30 so I can show you where everything is."

"Yeah that works."

"Great. Thank You so much Erin."

"No problem, I'll see you later."

"Ok, bye." She says before hanging up.

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Hailey's POV

I hang up with Erin with a huge smile on my face, I look over at Kevin whose still on the phone, but he looks over at me, with a grin of his own. What I told Erin was partially true, our babysitter really did ask off this weekend, but Kim didn't call to say that she was coming down with something. She called me to ask if I could ask Erin to come instead of her, and Kevin could call Jay. If they both agreed Kevin and I were to play it off that we didn't know the other was calling him or her. Kevin hangs up with Jay

"So what'd he say?" I ask him

"He seemed a little hesitant at first, but he said he'll be here." He says, and I nod

"Do you really think this is a good idea?"

"They both love Kassidy, and I know they'll take great care of her."

"That's not what I meant Kevin."

"I know what you meant Hailey, and this will be good for them."

"Alright, I just don't know about putting my baby in the middle of this."

"She'll be fine."

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Erin's POV

A few hours go by, and I decide to take a shower before heading over to Hailey, and Kevin's to watch baby Kassidy. After getting out of the shower, I walk into my bedroom, and throw on a pair of sweat pants, a tank top, and a hoodie. I grab my phone, and keys, before putting on my boots, and walking over to their apartment building. I knock, and I'm only standing there for a few moments before Kevin is opening the door, holding the baby in his one arm, while holding the door open with the other.

"Hey Lindsay."

"Hey Kev."

"Uh come in and I'll show you around while Hails finishes getting ready."

"Ok." I say, pressing a kiss to the baby's forehead as I walk past Kevin, and into the apartment. He shows me around, and tells me where everything I could possibly need is. About ten minutes after I get there Hailey comes out of their bedroom, all dressed up and ready to go.

"Hey Erin, thank you again for doing this." Hailey says

"No problem, I love baby K."

"She loves you too."

"Hey babe we should probably get going, it's about a fifteen minute drive, and our reservation is in twenty." Kevin says to her, handing me the baby.

"Ok." She says stepping closer to me, and leans down to give Kassidy a kiss on her cheek, and then she stands up straight, and gives me an unexpected hug.

"Call if you need anything." She says as they walk towards the door, before exiting the apartment.

I walk over to the couch, and sit against the arm of it, and lay out on the couch. I plant my feet, and bend my knees so I can prop lay the baby on my legs, I run a hand over her dark brown waves covering her head, and then gently stroking my thumb across the soft caramel skin of her cheek; her bright blue eyes fluttering slightly, as I start to lightly bounce my legs, remembering that Kevin said she usually falls asleep at about 8.

"Alright girlie, let's see what's on TV, shall we?" I ask the infant, as I reach over to grab the remote. Then there's someone knocking at the door, causing Kassidy to jump. She doesn't cry, as I put her in the bassinet next the couch, before making my way over to the door. I check the peephole, and almost immediately open the door to Jay.

"What are you doing here?" We say at the same time, as I open the door a little more allowing him to walk in

"Hailey called me this morning, she said Kim told her she thought she was coming down with something. What about you?"

"Kev called me this morning, said the same thing about Kim." He says walking to the couch, and sitting down in the middle of it; putting his take on the table sitting in front of him, as I close and lock the door.

"Where's Kass?" He asks

"She's right here" I say scooping her up from the bassinet "Right, say I'm right here." I coo at her as we reclaim our spot on the couch, putting my feet on the couch, but under Jay's thigh. He doesn't seem to mind, and he starts to dig into his food, and watch the episode of Friends I put just before he got here.

Jay's POV

Before I finish all my food, I turn to the side, and ask Erin

"Do you want some?" Pointing the take out container in my hand with my fork

"No thank you, I'll just eat when I go home." She answers, not looking up the baby

"Are you sure? I have two more egg rolls."

"No I'm ok, I don't want to eat your food." She says, and I lean over pressing the back of my hand to her forehead

"Jay what are you doing?"

"Checking you for a fever, cause you just turned down food, eggrolls to be exact." I answer, placing the takeout containers back into the bag before standing up and placing the bag on the breakfast bar for me to grab when I leave.

"Haha." She says still not looking up from the baby. I walk up to the side of her

"Can I hold her?" I ask, and she doesn't say anything, she just looks at me, then back down at the baby, before carefully lifting her, and placing her in my arms. It's still crazy how small she is, even though she's undoubtedly grown in the last five months, she's still so tiny, I think as I sit down next to Erin, her feet taking their previous position under my thigh. I haven't even been holding her for five minutes before she starts to get fussy.

"What's wrong? I didn't do anything, did I?." I ask, and she lets out a little chuckle

"No you didn't do anything Jay, she's probably just getting hungry. Just relax, gently rock her, and I'll go get a bottle ready for her."

"Ok, just relax." I say to myself as she walks to the kitchen. "Shh, it's ok Kass she's making you a bottle." I coo at the now wailing infant, as I stand to gently rock her. It's not long before Erin is walking back into the living room with a bottle in hand.

"Do you want to feed her, or do you want me to?" She asks as she walks a little closer to us

"I'll feed her." I answer, and she just hands me the bottle, and sits back down, I keep my eyes on the baby, but I can feel Erin's eyes on me the whole time. Kass finishes the bottle quickly, and not too long after she needs to be changed.

"How can such a little person make such a big stink?" I ask handing the baby over to Erin.

"Why do I have to change her?"

"I've never changed a baby before."

"And yet they asked you to come watch her tonight?"

"Well they obviously knew that you'd be here too."

"Whatever, give her to me."

"I'll come with you." I say placing the baby in her arms before following her to the nursery. She lays her down on the changing table, then grabbing a fresh diaper from the shelf below, and I just stand in the doorway.

"Come here."

"Why?"

"How are you ever going to learn if you don't ever try."

"I guess I didn't think I'd have to learn anymore, but ok." I say stepping towards the changing table, and standing next to Erin.

"Ok, so pull off the tabs, and lay the diaper flat, then grab a wipe." She says, and follow her instruct

"Now you have to wipe front to back, never back to front."

"Ok." I say, and she grabs the dirty diaper and throws it in the weird looking garbage can next to the table, and place the new diaper under the baby's bottom, and follow her instructions, and then we're done, and I'm buttoning up her pajamas.

"See now that wasn't that bad was it." She says picking the baby up from the changing table, and then she starts cooing something at the baby that I can't hear, my heart swells, watching her sit down on the rocking chair in the corner of the room, and start humming some kind of lullaby. It's not long before Kassidy is asleep, and Erin is standing, and placing her in her crib.

"You really are a natural." I say, as we walk back to the living room.

"Thanks." She says, turning on the baby monitor, and sitting back down on the chair.

"What did you mean when you said you didn't think you'd have to learn anymore?"

"What?"

"You said before about changing Kassidy's diaper that you didn't think you'd have to learn anymore, why wouldn't you?"

"I don't know, I guess I don't really see myself having kids anymore, in past year especially I've thought about how I wouldn't want to burden a child or their mother with who I am, or the baggage I carry around with me."

"Jay, you wouldn't be a burden to anyone, especially not your child. I think that would honestly be the luckiest kid ever to have you as a dad."

"No, no they wouldn't be Erin. You weren't here, but it was like I was taken back in time, especially when I killed that little girl."

"Jay that was an accident, and it could have been anyone."

"But it wasn't just anyone, it was me, and it wasn't the first time I killed a child, the nightmares were already triggered after Abby, but they got worse after that, and then to try and block it out, I started drinking so much, I'd black out, and I was sleeping around, I was a mess, I am a mess." I say, and I can faintly register the cushion next to me dipping, and then one of her hands is on my cheek to turn my face towards her.

"Hey, that doesn't define you are or what you deserve, you're here, and you're working through things right?" She asks and I just nod before she continues. "Jay, you would be an amazing father one of the best out there, and I'm sure you're going to find the right girl to show you that, and give exactly what you deserve." My heart aches a little at her words, thinking about finding someone other than her, and knowing that I don't want someone else.

"Thanks." Is all I say

"What about you?" I ask, and she lets out a sad sigh

"If you don't believe that you'll be good enough, I can't imagine what people would think if I become a mother. I never really thought about it, not until." She says, and her hands falling my face, and lay in lap.

"Until?"

"Until you, after we moved in together, I thought about it a lot actually, what it would be like to have your baby. I even thought I was pregnant once. I was so scared and excited all at once"

"What, when?"

"It was right before you left, I knew something was going on with you. I took the test that morning, I wanted to tell you, but you seemed so distant, and I didn't want to risk pushing you away further, by dangling something like that in your face, just to take it away from you if it came back negative, which it did."

"I'm so sorry Erin, if I-"

"It's ok… I haven't really thought about it since then."

"Well maybe now you and the firefighter could be here in a few years."

"Wow, you are really jealous of him aren't you?"

"No."

"Jay, I may not know you as well as I used to, but I figured it out last night that you were jealous when you saw him talking to me last night." She sighs "He's dating Stella, and even if he wasn't that wouldn't happen. Kelly is just a friend."

"I was jealous. I didn't think I would be, I thought we could just be friends, and I would be able to see you with someone else, and I'd be ok, but I guess I was lying to myself."

XXXXXX

Erin's POV

I don't know what to say, instead I reach over him to grab the remote from the arm of the couch, and when I sit back down, I'm closer to him then I was before. I turn my head towards him, and our eyes lock on each other's, and my heart starts racing, I think briefly that it's pounding so hard, he might be able to hear it. Butterflies take flight in the pit of my stomach, as his eyes leave mine, and look down at my lips, and my eyes do the same. We both lean in slowly, our lips so close I can feel his breath on my face, but then we hear a key in the lock, and the door is opening, and we jump apart. Kevin, and Hailey walk into the living room.

"Hey guys how was your dinner?"

"Good, but I missed my baby." Hailey answers, walking down the hall to the nursery, and Jay and I stand up.

"Thanks again for watching her."

"No problem Kev." Jay says, and I just nod

"She fell asleep like a half hour ago, and she got fed, and was changed just before that."

"Ok great."

"Goodnight Kevin." I say as I walk towards the door.

"Goodnight Lindsay."

"Goodnight man." I hear Jay say from behind me

"Goodnight." Kevin says before I walk out. I'm stepping off the bottom step of the entrance to their building when I hear the door open.

"Hey Er, wait up, let me walk you home."

"Jay, I live two doors down."

"Right."

"But I guess I could use the company."

"Cool." He says practically running down the stairs. The walk to my apartment is silent, and when I to my door, I pull out my keys, and unlock it, before turning around. We both lean in, and I stand on my tip toes, and then his lips are moving against mine in a slow, gentle kiss, and I sigh, and deepen the kiss. We're break apart, when we hear someone clear their throat, he looks over to where the noise came from, as I bury my face into his shirt.

"Hey Lindsay, you uh left your phone at our place." Kevin says, walking closer, and I just hold my hand out still not moving my head from Jay's chest.

"Thanks." I say, and he just gives me a "Yup"

I look up at Jay, after I no longer hear Kevin's retreating footsteps, and he gives me a little smirk.

"That was embarrassing." I say, and he just chuckles, before leaning down, giving my lips a couple of pecks before backing away.

"How long do you think it'll take for him to tell?" I ask

"I don't think he'll tell, but I'll text him, and ask him not to, if you want."

"Yes please."

"What are you doing tomorrow?"

"Nothing, why?"

"Do you want to go out to eat or something?"

"Like a date?"

"Yeah, I want to do this right."

"Ok, what time should I be ready?"

"Seven?"

"Ok sounds good to me, I'll see you at seven."

"Alright." He says and then I stand on my tip toes again, and give him another kiss.

"Goodnight Jay."

"Goodnight Er." He says, as he backs away, and I walk into my apartment closing, and locking the door behind me. I throw my keys on the table by the door, and kick off my shoes, before heading to my room. As I turn the corner, I get pinned to the wall with a knife pressed against my throat.

"Hello Erin, do you remember me?" He asks

"Jimmy." I say, as I swipe my thumb across the screen of my phone, which is tucked behind my leg. I press the bottom left corner, and hope that I opened the phone, and press the screen a few centimeters up from the home button twice more, and then I hear it ring, and I press it against my leg so the screen is black, and I hope that he can't hear it.

XXXXXX


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Ok so first I wanted to say that I never meant that I was going to stop writing this story, sorry for making it sound like that, but I really do appreciate all the reviews. Some of you are just silent readers, and that's ok I get it, I use to be too, but it is really nice to hear your thoughts sometimes, and that way I know whether the story is being enjoyed or not. So thank you. Also would you guys prefer shorter chapters with it being updated more or** **longer chapters, and me updating less often? Let me know, and enjoy.**

 **XXXXXX**

" _Goodnight Er." He says, as he backs away, and I walk into my apartment closing, and locking the door behind me. I throw my keys on the table by the door, and kick off my shoes, before heading to my room. As I turn the corner, I get pinned to the wall with a knife pressed against my throat._

" _Hey Erin, do you remember me?" Jimmy asks_

" _Jimmy." I say, as I swipe my thumb across the screen of my phone, which is tucked behind my leg. I press the bottom left corner, and hope that I opened the phone, and press again, and then I hear it ring, and I press it against my leg so the screen is black, and I hope that he can't hear it._

XXXXXX

Chapter 13

Erin's POV

"Oh so you do remember me?" He says

"I've been trying to find you for a while now, but you're not an easy person to find Erin."

"Jimmy why don't you lower the knife, and we can talk about whatever it is that you came here for." I say wanting him to keep talking to cover any noise that may be coming from my phone.

Jay's POV

I'm sitting at a traffic light on Erin's block when my phone starts to ring, with the light still burning red, I decide to pick up my phone from the cup holder, and look down at the screen. I can't help the smile that spreads across my face as I see Erin's name flashing. I answer, and I'm about to say 'Miss me already.', but I stop when I hear something that makes my blood run cold and has me turning the car around as quickly as possible.

XXXXXX

Erin's POV

"Oh, no, I think I'll keep the knife right here while I tell you why I'm here." He slurs digging the knife into my skin ever so slightly causing me to hiss.

"You see your poor excuse of a mother never paid me back that money she owed me, and then I found out she got sent to the slammer, and well I figured I'd go to the next best thing, which is her pretty put together daughter, except when I came to find you, you too were gone, and so I've been looking for you for a year. Even debated going after your pretty boy partner." He says, and for the first time I feel the urge to struggle against his hold, but he just pushes against me harder "He made it very clear that you two weren't together anymore, I got to give it to him he sure knows how to pick em, that brunette piece he was banging well she was no you, but still was a looker. So when a little birdie told me that you were back I figured I'd come pay you a visit."

"So you want me to pay you back, is that it?" I ask, just as my phone starts to slip out of my sweaty hand, I manage to adjust it so I don't drop it, but he sees it, and pulls me away from the wall, and snatches the phone out of my hand, before pushing me into my glass coffee table, I fall onto it, shattering the glass, and slicing my skin in several places.

"You stupid bitch, who did you call?" He screams, after stomping on my phone, which he glances down at. Just then my apartment door is being kicked in, which causes both of us to jump, and look in that direction. While Jimmy is distracted I scramble to grab the gun, attached to the underside of the end table next to my couch, pointing it at him as I stand up, just as Jay makes his way into the living room.

"Drop the knife." Jay yells, also pointing a gun at him, and he does, and I go to kick it away.

"Cuffs?" I ask as I walk behind Jimmy, and yank his arms and push them into his back. Jay quickly hands over his hand cuffs

"I called it in; uniforms should be-" Jay begins, but gets cut off by two officers walking in. One of them taking Jimmy to their patrol car, and the other taking my statement, seeing as how it was only a matter of minutes, there wasn't much to say. While I'm talking, Jay disappears down the hall, and then reappears only seconds later with a couple hand towels, before walking over to me. I'm about to ask him what they're for, but before I do he's placing one on my forearm, and applying pressure to it, and I hiss

"You're letting me take you to the hospital to get checked out." He says sternly, and I want to argue, but I don't, and he goes and grabs my coat, draping it over my shoulders before we're heading out to his car.

"I was kind of hoping you were calling to ask me to come back." He says sadly when we're almost to the hospital, and I chuckle a little. Neither us say anything else for the rest of the car ride, and when we get to the ED Maggie, gets me a room right away.

"You don't have to stay Jay, Thank you for coming back, and bringing me here."

"I'm not going anywhere, besides how would you get home?" He replies, and I shrug just as his brother comes in.

"Hey Jay, Maggie said you were here. I'm glad you're ok." Will says as he puts on some gloves, and I look over at Jay he just looks down, and nods his head.

"Looks like you're just going to need some stitches in your arm, and some by your ribs. You're going to need to remove your shirt." Will instructs, and I do, and I hear Jay gasp, from the cut or the fact that I took off my shirt, I don't know, but he then stands

"I'm just going to step out for a second, get something to drink, you want anything?"

"I'm good thanks." I say, and he nods again before leaving the room.

"You just don't know how to stay away do you?" Will says coldly

"Excuse me?"

"Look Erin at one point, I loved you like a sister, thought that one day you would be. But seeing you break his heart this last time was too much. And I know for the most part it's not your fault, but you were born into bad news, and it follows you."

"You don't think I already know that Will. " I snap before throwing my shirt back on, and sighing

"I love your brother, more than anyone or anything else in this world. And I get that you're trying to protect him from getting hurt again, but I can promise-"

"You don't even need to finish whatever it is that you're going to say, because it'll just be another empty promise. I know how much my brother loves you, so much so that he is blinded by you, he can't see all the bad things that come with you, or so much that he believes that he can save you from it all, but he can't, cause like I've said before you can't be saved. So if you really love him as much as you say you do, you should save him from getting in too deep with you again, save him the heart break, and just leave him alone. For good now, no matter how much the selfish part of you tells you to come back, don't." He says, and my heart aches at the truth to his words, and tears begin to fall. He finishes the stitches to my arm, and gives me instructions on how to keep them clean, and such. I'm only half listening as what he said just moments ago replays in my head. We both walk out of the room at the same time, and Jay is over talking to Maggie.

"Hey, you all good?" He asks as I walk up to the desk, and sign something

"Yeah, I'm good."

"Great, I uh booked you a hotel room, until we can get your door fixed, and your apartment cleaned. Or I can stay at the hotel, and you can stay at my apartment, it's up to you." He says and I nod,

"No I don't want to put you through anymore trouble, the hotel is fine thank you." I say, as we begin to walk out to his car and I briefly think about saying something like 'you don't want me staying with you.' But I bite my tongue not wanting to make things worse, as I think of how to do this, how to let him down easy. The only thing said on the drive back to my apartment, was which hotel he got me a room at. Then when he parks the car outside my apartment building he asks

"Er, you ok?"

"No not really." I answer honestly

"Do you want to talk about it inside, while you pack some stuff?"

"I don't think that's such a good idea Jay." I say not looking at him, but I can almost see the confused and hurt expression taking over his features

"Erin, I-" He begins

"Jay, I, we can't do this again."

XXXXXX

Jay's POV

I just sit in my seat, and try to brace myself for what's coming.

"Tonight, the kissing, and agreeing to go on a date it was a mistake. We've tried this before, and it didn't work. You-"

"I don't believe it was a mistake Er-" I start to say but she cuts me off again

"Please just let me finish."

"No I'm not going to let you finish putting an end to something that hasn't even started. I get it, you're shaken up from this whole Jimmy thing, but I'm not going to let you push me away because of it." I yell

"It's better to end it now than in a few weeks, or months, or whenever another bad thing catches up to me. I can't let you continue to try and save me for the rest of our lives." She says, sighing, and then sniffling "I can't be saved Jay." She says before exiting the car, and I let her go, wanting to let her cool down first, knowing I have someone else to blame for this. I drive to my apartment building, but I don't go to my apartment, but to my brother's. Once I get to his door, I bang on it several times, before stopping and listening for him, I don't hear anything so I start again, and after a few more times the door flies open.

"What the hell Jay?"

"You couldn't just keep your fucking mouth shut could you? You had to fill her head with some stupid bullshit about not being able to be saved."

"She told you that I said that to her?"

"No, but she didn't have to."

"What the hell is going on out here?" Natalie comes walking out of his room, and into the living room

"Why don't you tell her Will?" I yell, and he sighs.

"Jay why don't you come in?"

"I'm not staying, I just wanted to hear him admit it."

"That's fine, but you should still come in so you don't wake up, and piss off all the neighbors if you haven't already." She says, so I step in, and close the door behind me.

"Alright fine, so I talked to her, and told her that if she really loved you she'd leave you alone, she'd save you from getting in too deep with her, and save you from the heart break that's sure to come."

"Will, how could you do something like that?" Natalie asks with tears in her eyes.

"He won't protect himself, so I figured I had to step in, and keep him from getting hurt again." He says to her as if I'm not there.

"I don't need to be protected from her Will." I say

"See you're so fucking infatuated with her, that you don't even realize that you really do need to be protected from her." He says

"This isn't just some infatuation Will, what I feel for her is intense, and strong, yes, but it is most certainly not short lived and I don't need to be protected from her. And I really hope that someday you'll be able to look past whatever it is that you have against her, but until then stay the hell away from me, and her." I say before leaving, satisfied that I got him to admit that he talked to her. I'm still standing in the hall thinking about what I'm going to say to Erin when I go to the hotel, when the door opens, and Natalie walks out with a sleeping Owen on her hip, and I can hear my brother yell something, as she shuts the door.

"I'm so sorry Jay."

"No, you have nothing to be sorry for, it's not your fault my brother is a fucking idiot." I say

"I'm sorry, that I came and disturbed you, did I wake him at all?" I say gesturing towards Owen

"You didn't disturb anything Jay, we just got home mere minutes before you came here, and no he sleeps like a rock, but we'll see if he stays sleeping when we get outside."

"Why don't you just stay at my place for tonight, it's pretty cold out, and I'm not planning on staying in anyways." I say handing her my key

"Jay you don't have to do that."

"It's no problem, especially for my sister, and nephew." I say giving her a wink before walking to the stairs.

"Thank You Jay." She says behind me, and I just wave, heading to the hotel.

XXXXXX

When I get to the hotel, I go to the front desk, and ask for Erin's room number. At first the middle aged woman wasn't going to give it to me, until after I showed her my credit card, and ID; telling her that I booked the room. Then not only did she give me the room number, but a key as well. She also informed me that Erin gave her card number to bill her, and I told her to still run my card when she checks out. Then I make my way to the third floor, and walk to room 307. I decide to knock first but as I expected she doesn't answer, so I slid the key in the door, and watch the light blink green, I say her name before opening it, wanting her to know it was me. I step in; walking into the small room with one queen bed in the middle of it, and a love seat off to the side of the TV, and dresser; directly across from the bed.

"Please go home Jay." She says from the other side of the bathroom door, and even through the door, I can tell she's been crying.

"I'm not going home Erin, I know what Will said to you."

"It's true Jay. Everything he said; whatever he thinks of me it's all true."

"No it's not Erin. Please come out."

"No, you're just going to try and convince me otherwise."

I think about denying what she said, but we both know that's exactly what I'll do if or when she comes out.

"I would argue that, but that's exactly what I'll do Er. Because no matter what anyone says we are not better off without each other, and neither of us have to be protected or saved from the other. We've made mistakes, both of us have, but that's both of us, neither one of us are solely to blame, and I know that since we're only human, there's more mistakes for us to make, but there's no one else I'd rather make them with, because…" I say, taking a deep breath before continuing "because I love you Erin, more than anything else." I say leaning against where there door and its frame meets.

"And because I love you, I'll leave but only if its really you that wants me to leave, but if you don't, if it's just my idiotic brother's words that are telling you to push me away, then please open the door Er." I finish, and I feel tears pool in my eyes as the door remains shut, and locked.

XXXXXX

Erin's POV

His last statement takes my breath away and I stand there in shock for a moment, before reaching my shaking hand out to unlock, and open the door, just as he was reaching for the door of the room, and I hear him let out a deep shaky breath before he looks over at me with tears in his eyes. We both take a few steps towards each other, and then his hands are cupping my face, and his thumbs are wiping my tears away, and before I know it our lips are pressed together in a slow, gentle kiss.

"I was really hoping you'd open that door." His whispers against my lips, with a light grin and I let out little chuckle

"I opened the door because I love you too." I whisper, before reconnecting our lips briefly.

XXXXXX

No other words are exchanged between the two, as they make their way to the bed. Jay strips down to his boxers, and Erin is already dressed in an old t shirt and sweatpants. She climbs into the bed, and tries to rearrange things to her liking, but nothing works; eventually she gives up, and just lays her head down. After an hour of her tossing and turning, he pulls her into him, not saying anything, and he can feel her tense for a moment before she relaxes. Not long after she turns her body; curling into his side; draping one her arms over his abdomen, and her leg goes over his; placing a kiss to his bare chest, as he places one to her head, before both of their breathing evens out, and they drift off to sleep.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: First and foremost thank you for the reviews. Second to the guest who's review was not posted, no I'm not going to be writing any smut for this story, at least not yet, I still want things to go slow for them, I don't want their first time playing scrabble again to be an opportunistic event, and I wrote that ending the way I did because I want to show them talking things out first. I'm sorry that it was not to your liking. Lastly it may take me a little longer to get chapters out, but thanks to some convincing I am not done with this story, and I hope that you all continue to read along. Thank You, I hope everyone is having a great week so far. Much Love.**

 **XXXXXX**

Chapter 14

I slowly wake up, but I keep my eyes closed as I run through the events of last night. I gently move my hand up and down Jay's chest and abdomen as I open my eyes, and I try to adjust to the sun shining in through the windows. His breathing is uneven signaling that he is already awake, but his eyes are still closed. I place a kiss to his ribs, then his peck, his neck, making my way up to his lips.

"Mhm morning." He whispers in between kisses

"Good morning." I whisper back against his lips, giving him one more peck before sitting up a little, and grabbing my phone off the nightstand

"I wish we could stay here all day, order some room service, watch some TV."

"I wish we could too, but we both have to go to work." I say as I slip out of his arms missing his warmth instantly.

"We could call in." He says

"We could, but that would look a little suspicious."

"So what? Why are we trying to hide this, whatever this is? We don't have to sneak around behind Voight's back anymore."

"No we don't have to hide this, but we don't know what this even is yet." I answer with a sigh, and he gets up, and walks over to me; putting his hands on either side of my face.

"Hey." He says to get me to look at him instead of the floor; knowing I have something else to say.

"It's just that if we're going to get back into a relationship again, I want to enjoy just the two us, before everyone else starts gossiping about us or judging us like your brother."

"Erin-" He starts but I cut him off, pretty much knowing he was going to give me some sort of apology

"Don't say it, _you_ don't need to apologize. I get your brother's reservations about me, and us, but after thinking about what you said last night, as long as both of us want this, it shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks, or says. And I know that contradicts what I just said but you know how the district can be, it's like TMZ at times, full of gossip and we would be that celebrity couple that dragged through mud for every little thing, and though it doesn't matter what they say, I don't care to hear their criticism, at least not yet."

"That makes sense, I guess. But if they figure it out we're not going to deny it right?"

"No." I answer, and he gives me a small smile, and placing a quick kiss on my lips, before I walk over to my bag, and grab some clothes to put on, and he walks into the bathroom. I take off my pajamas pants, and get dressed in jeans; taking my shirt off to clean the stitches on my ribs. I gasp in pain as I lightly dab the antiseptic wipe along the cut and I adjust myself, so my side with the stitches is facing the mirror hung over the dresser in the room. I hear the bathroom door open, and I immediately use one of my arms to cover my chest, as he too lets out a gasp, much like last night at the hospital before he left the room. Except now it could very well be because I'm standing in front of him completely topless. He's not even looking at me for more than a few seconds before I see him averting his eyes to floor, and walking to sit on the bed, facing his back to me. I giggle to myself at his actions that remind me of a child who got caught doing something shouldn't, and I finish cleaning my stitches, before walking over to where he's sitting.

"While I find it very sweet that you're avoiding looking at me, even though you've seen me naked before, would you be able to help me out please? I need to put gauze over the stitches before I can put my bra on, and I want to put it on as nicely as possible so it hopefully doesn't come off." I ask him, and he looks straight up at my face

"Please?"

"Uh sure." He says as he stands from the bed, and takes the gauze from my hand. I move my fingers, but still keep my arm over my breast as he gently places the gauze on my ribs; then making sure it sticks; he then leans down, and places one of the most gentle of kisses to the spots just above and just below the gauze, before looking me in the eyes again, and I swear I've melted into a puddle as his kisess seems to linger.

"Thank You." I say

"No problem." He answers before I go to grab my bra, and shirt, then walking into the bathroom.

"Hey Er, Antonio just called, he wants me in like now, so I have to go, but I'll see you later."

"Ok." I say as I open the bathroom door, and walk over to him; giving him a quick kiss

"Talk to you later." I say, and he nods, and opens the door, and then he's gone. I finish getting ready, and head out not to long after him. When I get to work, Platt decides to keep me behind the desk with her; knowing what happened last night. Intelligence is out on a raid, so I don't get to see Jay at all, and I think about how much I missed him, and how much I still miss being his partner, his back up. My heart sinks when I hear Hailey's voice come in on the radio, first she requests back up, and you can hear the fire fight happening in the back ground, but then she says her partner is down, and she requests an ambulance. I don't know what to do with myself; I keep my hands on the counter in attempt to keep myself from falling to the ground. Platt starts yelling, giving orders to any available officer. But I don't register any of what she's saying, my vision is blurred, Hailey's words ringing through my head over and over again. I manage to find my barring's and walk around the front desk, and head towards the doors leading to district parking lot.

"Lindsay where do you think you're going?" Platt yells, and grabs my arm. I thought I was moving quick enough that she wouldn't be able to catch up with me, but I was wrong.

"I-I-I neeed to g-g-goo to himm." I stutter at Platt; trying to keep my tears at bay; but she just shakes her head at me.

"No I can't have you go there in this state, you'll end up getting yourself shot too."

"I have to go Trudy, I have to be with him." I say angrily, but I know I'm not mad at her, deep down I know why she's stopping me, I'm mad at myself for not being there for him over the past two years, and now.

"Erin I can't let you go there." She says breaking me from my thoughts

"Please Trudy, I love him, and I need to be with him."

"I know you do Erin, and I promise to take you to him as soon as they get him out of there, but for now you have to stay here, otherwise I'll have to lock you in the cage." She says walking me back to the front desk, and sits me down. It seems like a lifetime before we're driving to the hospital; as soon as we pull up I jump out of the car, not even caring if it's still moving. I rush through doors of the ED, and look for any familiar faces, and the first person I see is Hailey, and she's covered in blood, Jay's blood.

"Erin." She's says sadly

"I'm so sorry."

"No, no he's not." I say shaking my head

"No no he's in surgery now, he took one in the side of his abdomen, right at the edge of the Kevlar vest." She says, as she gives me a hug, before walking me over to the waiting room where she was sitting when I got here, and we wait, and wait. A few hours later, Hailey, Trudy, and I have been joined by the rest of the unit, along with Will, and Natalie. Dr. Rhodes comes out, and we all hold our breath as we wait to hear Jay's fate.


	15. Chapter 15

Erin's POV

It's been forty eight hours since Jay was shot, two days since we were all waiting in the waiting room, when Dr. Rhodes came out to tell us that he had made through surgery, but he wasn't out of the woods yet. Two days where I haven't dared to leave his side, other than when Kim, and Hailey offered to stay with him this morning after insisting I go get something to eat, take a shower and get fresh clothes. I was only gone for maybe thirty minutes because I want to be here when he opens those gorgeous blue green eyes, with his perfectly long eyelashes fluttering against the top of his freckled cheeks; until I hear his voice asking the doctors when he can go home, because he hates hospitals, just like I do. And until then I will spend another two days, or twenty days here sitting in this chair holding his hand, and placing the occasional kiss on his knuckles. I fall asleep with my head just to the side of our hands, and after what seems like a few hours I feel a gentle caress on my cheek, and my eyes fly open, immediately blinking away the sleep, and focus on his face and his looking back at me.

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Jay's POV

When I start to wake up, I focus on the noises going on around me, the beeping of motions, and muffled the footsteps, and then I take in the sterilized scent of a hospital, but there's a hint of something else, something even more familiar, one that will never stop reminding me of her, the perfect combination of lavender and honey. I open my eyes slowly, and look down at where my hand is being weighed down. Our fingers are intertwined, and she has her other hand resting gently on my thigh. I watch her sleep briefly, and then I gently reach towards her with my other hand, and slowly swipe my thumb across her cheek. Her eyes shoot open, and she looks almost confused as she blinks a few times, before focusing on me, her eyes locking with mine.

"Hey." I all but whisper to her

"Thank God."

"Can you get me some-" I begin to ask just as quietly with my voice cracking with every word, but she cuts me off.

"Water?" She says getting up and walking to the foot of the bed where there's a tray with a pitcher of water, and some food, that I assume was for her, but it's been left untouched.

"Please." I answer, as she pours the water into a styrofoam cup. She comes back to her chair, and holds the cup in front of my face, and places the straw on my lips, and I replace her hands with mine to hold the cup myself.

"How long was I out?" I ask as soon as I finish drinking.

"Two days, they got all the bullet fragments out, but the doctor said you weren't out of the woods." She says sadly, looking away from me for the first time since she woke up. She's trying to hide the tears, that are pooling in her eyes, and are threatening to fall. I reach over for her again, and place two fingers under her chin pushing up gently, to get her to look at me, just a tear rolls down her cheek, but she's quick to wipe it away.

"I'm ok." I say to her

"I thought I was going to loose you again."

"I'm not going anywhere Er, I'm fine. I could go out, and do it all over again tomorrow actually. It's what we signed up for, and it's part of our job."

"That's just the pain meds talking. And I know its just part of the job, but it's still scared me Jay."

"I'm ok." I say again, wiping away another tear from her cheek.

"So you remember what happened?"

"We were on a raid, the perps house was huge, Hailey and I were going in through the back, and we started to sweep, I walked into the third room, the guy was hiding in the closet, and got me with the first shot, then it seemed like there was gun shots ringing out everywhere, I remember shooting back, then it's all a blur, and then everything goes black." I answer

"I should go get a doctor." She says as she stands

"No." I say

"Jay, they have to make sure everything is ok."

"Please Er, can't you just lay down with me for a minute?" I ask, giving her a little pout

"Please?" I say again, and she gives me a small smile, before leaning over to give me a kiss.

"I'm going to get the doctor, I'll be right back, and then I'll lay down with you."

"Ugh fine." I say; letting go of her hand, and then she walks out of the room; walking back in only a few minutes later. The doctor comes in, and checks everything, ask me a few questions and I ask when I can leave, and he tells me it'll be another few days, and groan in frustration after he leaves the room. And then the last person I want to see comes in.

"I thought I told you to stay away from us." I say to my brother, as he stands at the foot of the bed, and Erin stays seated in the chair next to me; holding my hand, and I give her hand a squeeze.

"Well actually you said to stay the hell away from you, but I had to check up on you."

"Ok well you came, and you saw, so now you can leave."

"Jay don't be ridiculous."

"I'm going to step out and call everyone, let them know you're ok." Erin says, but I don't let go of her hand, until she gives me a look that has me loosening my grip, and her hand slides out of mine.

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Erin's POV

I decide to leave Jay, and Will to hash things out without me in there. I told the unit, I'd keep them updated, and so I call Antonio, knowing he'll inform the rest of the team, and he tells me they'll be coming here to visit throughout the rest of the day. He also asked me if I thought about his offer, from last night, and I told him I was still thinking about it, before we hung up. Just as I was putting my phone back in the front pouch of my hoodie, Will comes storming out of the room. I make my way back to Jay's side, and I can tell the last hour, especially the last few minutes have really taken a lot of him.

"You should sleep Jay, Antonio said they'll be visiting you throughout the next few hours."

"I can't." He answers

"Why, are you in pain? Should I go get the doctor?" I ask panicked.

"No I'm fine Er."

"Then why can't you sleep? I can tell you're tired."

"You said you would lay down with me after the doctor left, and the doctor left like a half hour ago."

"Oh cause your brother would have been thrilled with that."

"I don't really give a shit what my brother thinks."

"Right." I say looking down for a moment, and then he clears his throat, and lifts the blanket up slightly for me to crawl in next to him. I hesitate briefly, before I carefully lay down on the bed, and curl into his side. I figured I'd just cuddle with him until he fell asleep, and eventually he does succumb to sleep, but his warmth, and the steady rise and fall of his chest, keep me there with my head on his chest, and my arm on the front of his abdomen, and eventually I get lulled to sleep by the beat of his heart.

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Hailey's POV

I let out a huge sigh of relief, when Antonio informs us that Jay is awake, and he turns to Kim and I telling us to go see him first. We wait about an hour or so, before we head over to the hospital, we ask Maggie if he is still in the same room, and she just nods. So we walk down the hall, and hang a left, to the some what secluded room, that my partner has been in since getting out of surgery two days ago. I don't even look in before going to the handle of the door, I was just about to slide it open, when Kim puts her hand on my arm, stopping me.

"Wait Hailey." She whispers, and I look up and over at her, she has a smile on her face.

"What?" I ask and she just nods in the direction of the room, I look in the window, and see Jay and Erin on the small hospital bed, both sleeping. Erin's head is resting on Jay's chest, and Jay's head is tilted to side that she's laying on, his arm that isn't hooked up to anything is draped loosely around her back, and his hand is on her hip. A smile comes to my face, as I hear the distinctive click of Kim's camera on her phone.

"You sure they'd be ok with you taking pictures of them like this?" I ask

"No Erin might just kill me, but they look so cute." She answers, and I just shake my head.

"Yeah, well let's let them sleep, and we'll come back later." I say to her, and her smile falls, but she nods and both of us turn to leave. When we get back to the bullpen, the guys ask why we were back so soon, and I told them that Jay was sleeping again, so we were going to go back later, shooting Kim a glare to keep what we saw quiet, and she frowns, but nods anyways.

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 **A/N: Sorry for any and all mistakes, in my defense I wrote most of this on my phone during my lunch break. Hope you enjoyed it, and if you didn't like it, well, just keep it to yourself please. Thanks, and have a nice weekend.**


	16. Chapter 16

Jump Chapter 16

Erin's POV

Another three days go by, and the doctors said Jay could be released tomorrow. The day after he woke up, I decided to go back to work. I still go to his room, before and after my shift to check on him, much to his dismay, I only stay for a few hours, and no more cuddling because we, or more like I got reprimanded for being on and sleeping in his bed. I walk into his room, and he's up watching something on the TV. His gaze leaves the TV hung high on the wall of his room, to meet mine; he gives me a goofy smile, and I give him a smile in return.

' _He must have just got some kind of painkiller_.' I think as he somewhat slurs the words "I missed you."

"Jay I was just here this morning."

"So, I missed you the minute you left." He says, and I think about whether or not it's him talking or the high from the painkiller

"Can you come here?" He asks with a slight pout to his lips

"Sure." I say, and walk so I'm standing right next to him; he gently takes my hand in his, and pulls me down, crashing his lips against mine. We both deepen the kiss briefly before someone is knocking on the door, after breaking the kiss, I lean my forehead against his; keeping my eyes closed for a second, then opening them, and standing up straight. Antonio just stands there at the door for a little bit, looking back and forth between Jay and I. He has a look of what I think is confusion, but he's also wearing a wide smile.

"So is this why you're so hesitant on taking me up on my offer Erin?" He asks as finally walks further into the room.

"Maybe." I answer shyly, as my face becomes hot

"Offer? What offer?" Jay asks confused

"Erin." Antonio says, letting me tell him.

"Antonio offered for me to come back up to Intelligence, a few days ago."

"That's great, but why are you hesitating? More importantly why am I making you hesitant?" Jay all but yells, with his brow furrowed, an almost hurt expression now crossing his face; his high seemingly wearing off. Antonio shifts uncomfortably where he stands near the foot of the bed.

"I don't know Jay, I mean if we really do this, if we continue this, and get into a relationship can we really work together again. You said you wanted to do this right, but would that be what's right? Would we be able to keep our personal lives out of our professional relationship, cause the way I remember it we fucked that up royally the last time."

"There was only a few instances Erin, but it was Voight who split us up."

"It doesn't matter how many times it happened Jay, we weren't supposed to bring it to work with us, and yet we did. Don't blame Voight."

"And there you go defending him, maybe that's why you don't want to come back up to Intelligence, because your dad won't be there to protect you from shit." He spits out

"Ok guys, I think this has gone too far. Why don't you both just relax." Antonio yells into the room.

"Yeah you're right Antonio, I think this has gone too far too, all of it. I'm gonna go." I say sternly, watching tears form in Jay's eyes.

"Erin." Jay says softly; grabbing my wrist.

"Don't." I say yanking my arm away from him, and the sad look he gives me almost makes my resolve crumble but I stay strong, and continue out of the room, slamming the door shut, almost afraid that it would shatter.

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Jay's POV

I regret the words the moment they slip out of my mouth. Not that I'm excusing myself for yelling at her, but I was hurt to know she kept this from me, and that she was hesitating because of me. I knew that Hailey was debating on putting herself on desk duty for a while now, but I didn't know she went through with it. I knew that if she did, this would be possible, that Antonio would offer her spot to Erin, but I guess I still wasn't prepared, and I wasn't prepared to see her not jump on the opportunity to take the job.

"I'm sorry man, I didn't think that would cause that." He says, as I break my trance of staring at the door, that she just walked out of.

"No don't be sorry, this is on me. I overreacted, and fucked it up all on my own."

"I think she just needs to calm down, I'm sure she'll be back."

"Yeah." I say with a huff, not so sure of that

"How long have you guys been-?" He begins to ask

"Just a couple weeks, nothing serious. Not yet at least."

"But you plan on it getting serious?" He continues

"Yeah, well I did."

"Can I give some advice?" He asks

"Sure."

"Stop trying to have a relationship that's by the books. By the books works on the job, but when it comes to love there's no such thing as doing it right. What works for some couples might not work for every couple. You just have to do you Jay. You guys already know each other better than anyone else, and everyone knows the love you have for one another, so stop holding back, just jump in." He says seriously. I process his words for a few minutes, and then he talks again.

"So how are you doing, you know other than that?" He asks breaking the silence

"Uh I'm alright, the pain was pretty intense this afternoon, so they gave me a stronger pain med, but the doctor said I should still be able to go home as early as tomorrow."

"That's great man."

"Yeah." I say looking away from him, and at the door as I hear it open hoping it's Erin, but it's Adam, and Kim.

"Hey." They says in unison

"Hey." I say back

"Well I just came to check up on you, I have to go pick up Diego from practice, but I'll see you soon." Antonio says before walking towards the door.

"Yeah see ya, and Antonio." I say before he leaves, causing him to turn his head towards me.

"Thanks for the advice." I say, and he just nods as he walks out of the room.

Kim, and Adam are busy discussing something, so I turn the TV back on, and watch some old cop show. They soon start talking to me, and I just give them replies at the appropriate times, but I'm not really paying attention to them. I don't even realize Kim's leaving until I see her hand waving in front of my face.

"Sorry what?" I say to her.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah fine, what's up?"

"I was just saying bye, cause I'm beat, but Adam's going to stay."

"Oh ok, thanks for stopping by." I say to her, and then she too leaves.

"I'm surprised to see Erin's not here, she's barely left your side since you got out of surgery."

"Yeah."

"I still think there's something going on with you two." He says, causing me to roll my eyes as I go over the conversation I had with him just yesterday where he said a similar remark, while Erin went to get something to drink, I denied it of course, but I'm not going to anymore. I repeat Antonio's words in my head especially _'Just jump in.'_

"Fine Adam, you were right, but I screwed up tonight, and I need your help to fix it." I ask, then gulp as I think about if I'm going to regret asking Adam of all people.

"I knew it." He says enthusiastically

"Wait you need my help? With what?" He asks confused

"I'm leaving."

"Ok, I'll admit I've done some stupid things Jay, but I'm not sure I can help with that. You were just shot 5 days ago."

"Yeah, and I'm being released tomorrow. Look whether you help me or not, I'm leaving this hospital tonight."

"Alright man, where are your clothes?" He asks me shaking his head as I swing my legs over the side of the bed, and I point him in the direction where Erin left my bag, she brought yesterday. He grabs it and hands to me,

"I'll step outside make sure no one is coming, while you get dressed."He says; walking out. I take the clothes out of the bag, and put them on, before slowly walking to the door.

"Is it clear?" I whisper to him, opening the door a little.

"Yeah man, hurry up." He says, and we quickly make our way out of the hospital without anyone noticing surprisingly.

"Thanks." I say as we seat down in the passenger seat of his car.

"No problem, but you're not going to rat me out, and tell anyone that helped you escape right?"

"No."

"Cool, now lets go get you your girl back." He replies; pulling out his parking spot, and driving to Erin's apartment.

"Thanks again." I say as we pull up in front of her building. I grab my bag, and get out of the car. I look up to the door of the lobby, and sigh. ' _Just jump in.'_ I repeat my new mantra in my head, before climbing the first step.

"Hey man try not to reopen that wound." He snickers behind me, and I just flip him off, as I slowly continue up the stairs. After what seems like hours, I'm finally standing in front of her door. I take a few deep breaths before I raise my hand to knock. Panic rises from deep within as I wait to see if she'll open the door, but then I hear the lock click, and I see the handle turning. I keep my gaze casted downwards at first, and then slowly my eyes make their way up her mostly bare legs, up her baggy t shirt covered torso, her chest, and neck then finally her face, where my eyes meet hers. All red rimmed, and glassy from unshed tears.

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 **A/N: Leave me your thoughts, and I'll try to update again asap. Thanks. I hope you enjoyed it.**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: So first I'd like to say thank you to those of you who continue to follow this story, and/or review with every chapter, I appreciate you taking the time to both read and comment. I'm going to try to finish these stories out to the best of my ability, sorry if they don't meet your expectations. If you don't like them, please just stop reading them, and please don't leave me any nasty comments, that should go for any and all fics. Be better. With that being said, those of you who are kind people, I hope you enjoy this chapter. Much Love.**

 **PS THIS CHAPTER DOES HAVE A MILD M RATING TOWARDS THE END.**

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Chapter 17

" _Hey man try not to reopen that wound." He snickers behind me, and I just flip him off, as I slowly continue up the stairs. After what seems like hours, I'm finally standing in front of her door. I take a few deep breaths before I raise my hand to knock. Panic rises from deep within as I wait to see if she'll open the door, but then I hear the lock click, and I see the handle turning. I keep my gaze casted downwards at first, and then slowly my eyes make their way up her mostly bare legs, up her baggy t shirt covered torso, her chest, and neck then finally her face, where my eyes meet hers. All red rimmed, and glassy from unshed tears._

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Erin's POV

I get home, and immediately go to take a shower; hoping to wash the day's events away, and out of my head. It doesn't work, even after standing under the stream of water until it runs cold. I wrap myself in a towel, and make my way out of the bathroom, and into my bedroom. I grab a pair of panties, and an old t shirt of his, one that I claimed as my own when we were still together. Even long after his scent has faded from it, it still brings me comfort to wear. Once I'm dressed I make my way to the kitchen to grab myself a bottle of water before returning to my room to lay down. I thought turning the TV on would distract me, and stop me from thinking; overthinking really. But just like the shower, the corny reality show that I turned on doesn't ease my mind at all. I don't know how long I'm sitting in my bed, blankly staring at the television screen, when I hear a knock at the door. I don't move; hoping whoever it is will just leave, but then they knock again this time a little harder, so I climb out of bed, and walk to the door. I look through the peep hole first, and when I see Jay standing on the other side looking paler than usual, and just all around wiped out. I quickly unlock, and open the door.

"Jay what are you doing here? You weren't supposed to be released until tomorrow, and you look awful." I ask and state; giving him another look, as he stands in front of me, his eyes slowly traveling up my body. He's wearing a pair of sweatpants that are hanging dangerously low on his hips, a t shirt hangs out from beneath the zip up hoodie he's wearing, which is covered by his jacket.

"I couldn't wait until tomorrow to come to you." He says as his eyes meet mine, and he huffs

"Let me get dressed quick, and then I'll take you back to the hospital." I say turning away from him, but leaving the door open. Despite his weakened appearance, his strength has not wavered as he quickly, but gently grabs my wrist; turning me back around, so my front is flush against his, and he pushes me up against the wall; kicking the door shut with his foot and then he's crashing his lips against mine. I find myself thinking back to when I first came back to Intelligence, after going to the task force for a few weeks, and he came over one night after work.

' _I just got home, and I'm contemplating what I'm going to have for dinner, when there's a knock on my door. It has me walking over to the front of my apartment, I know who it is without me even having to look, and butterflies take flight in stomach; a small smile makes its way on my face, as I reach for the handle, and open the door to him. He stands there briefly before walking towards me, and wrapping his arm around me, crushing his lips down on mine, as he blindly fumbles to hang up his jacket, which just gets thrown on the floor, after I close the door. He pushes me back up against the wall, and we break apart, and my hands roam his chest as he slowly unbuttons my top. I say "Look if you want to tell Hank.." but he cuts me off "I don't want to talk about Hank." "Then what do you want…" I begin but again get cut off, this time by his lips, the kiss he gives me is quick, meant just to silence me and then he says "I don't want to talk at all." As he allows me to step away from the wall, and we make our way to my bedroom; where we don't talk at all.'_

It takes me a minute to start moving my lips against his, but once I give in, I get lost in the moment for a few seconds before gently putting my hands on his chest, and pushing him away.

"Jay." I whisper against his lips, as he leans in, after pushing my hands off of his chest.

"I just need time Jay, and you need to go back to the hospital."

"We had time, too much time, and I don't want spend anymore of it apart Er." He says; and sighs before continuing.

"I'm sorry for upsetting you at the hospital today, I'm sorry for ever hurting you. I'm sorry for not telling you how much I need and love you sooner, and more often. And I know I said I want to do it right this time, but a wise man told me that by the books works on the job, but when it comes to love there's no such thing as doing it right. I love you and I'm done not doing anything about it, I'm ready to just jump in with you." He finishes, his eyes glistening from the tears that have formed in them, as tears of my own trail down my face. I give him a sad smile, and he gives me one in return, the words I want to say get stuck in my throat briefly, so I stand on the tips of my toes, and press my lips to his.

"I'm sorry too, I'm sorry for everything I put you through, and overreacting tod-." I begin before he's cutting me off with another kiss. "I love you too." I whisper against his lips, as we break the kiss; our lungs screaming for air. "And I'm ready to just jump in with you too." I say, and that smile I love so much spreads wide across his face, he leans in again attaching our lips. His hands travel up and down my body, toying with hem of the shirt I'm wearing. Our lips don't leave each other's as I push his jacket, and zip up hoodie off of his broad shoulders. I get so lost his kisses, and the feeling of his hands on me, that I forget about the wound of his side. That is until I go to pull his shirt off, and he lets out a hiss of pain, when he attempts to lift his arms up. I push him away again.

"You have to go back to the hospital."

"But I don't want to go back." He says, almost whining

"Jay Halstead are you whining right now?" I tease, and he doesn't say anything, he just looks at the floor, taking a step back, and I step away from the wall.

"Jay I know you hate hospitals, but it's only supposed to be one more day, then you get to go home."

"I know."

"So I'm going to go get some clothes on, and then I'll take you back."

"Ok." He says sadly, and I take a step closer to him, and cup his jaw, swiping my thumb across the stubble on his cheek.

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Jay's POV

"I'll be right back." She's says; turning to walk away. I bite my lip, as scan her backside just before her turns the corner. I bend down to pick up my jacket and hoodie, and slide them back on. I'm not waiting long before she returns having thrown on a pair of leggings, and a hoodie. She grabs her keys and we leave her apartment. When we get back to the hospital, the first person to give me shit is Maggie, of course, as we make our back to my room. The doctor comes to the room not long after I lay down.

"You should go home Er, get some rest." I say as I look at her, taking in her tired appearance. She nods, giving me a ghost of a smile.

"Promise me no more breaking out." She whispers against my lips.

"Promise." I say with a chuckle, before attaching our lips.

"Goodnight." She says to me, giving me another kiss, before walking towards the door.

"Hey Er." I say as she opens the door, but she turns her head towards me.

"Yeah."

"I love you."

"I love you too Jay." She replies before leaving the room.

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Erin's POV

When I get home, I go straight to my room, and collapse on my bed. I'm out almost as soon as my head hits the pillow.

The next morning I go into the district early,

"Lindsay why are you here so early?" Trudy asks as soon as I walk in.

"I'm going to talk to Antonio."

"You hanging up the uniform?" She asks

"Yeah I think so." I answer nervously

"It's where you're meant to be." She replies, and I just nod, and give a tight lipped smile, not sure what to say back, as I turn to go upstairs.

"Hey Erin. How's Chuckles doing?" She yells behind me.

"He's good, he's being released later today actually." I answer, before I hear the buzz, and open the door, and I walk up to the bullpen, I walk past the rearranged desks, and take in all that has changed and all that has stayed the same. I come to a stop outside what use to be Hank's office. I take a deep breath, and close my eyes, as I think about if this is what I really want to do. As I bring my hand up to knock, the door swings open.

"When can I start?" I ask as I walk further into the office

"Are you sure this is what you want Erin? Cause if not, then I can try to find someone else." Antonio says

"Yes, I want to be apart of this family again Antonio."

"Alright, we've got some paperwork to fill out, and then I can see what we can do about having you back up here as soon as tomorrow." He says as make our way to his desk to do whatever paperwork is necessary. It's not long before we get done signing the documents, and the unit starts filing into the bullpen. Antonio hands certain forms to give to Platt, and telling me he'll take care of the rest.

"Thank You Antonio." I say to him, when I'm about to leave

"No thanks necessary Erin, you deserve to be here, and you've never stopped being a part of this family." He says, coming to give me a hug, and then he gives me a fist bump, followed by one of those weird open fingered explosion things, that I still hate.

"Do my eyes deceive me, or is Erin Lindsay coming back to us?" Adam jokes as he walks over to where Antonio and I stand in front of his office.

"She'll be back tomorrow." Antonio answers, and Adam comes rushing over to give me a hug, as soon as he pulls out of the hug, I punch him in the shoulder.

"Ow what was that for?" He says rubbing his arm

"That was for helping Jay leave the hospital last night." I answer. _'I thought about who would be stupid enough to help him leave, as I was driving back to my apartment last night, and Adam was the first one to come to mind.'_

"What he told you? He said he wasn't going to rat me out."

"No he didn't tell me, but you just did."

"I mean I don't know what you're talking about." He throws back quickly

"Mmhmm nice try Adam, you're on my shit list for that one." I say, with a glare, and he just walks away looking down. I had to give him shit for it, even though it helped Jay and I. Then the rest of the unit comes to give me hugs, as I slowly make my way through the bullpen, and back downstairs. For some reason my shift is pretty quiet, making it seem to drag by. Nine hours later, and I'm on my way to go pick up Jay. Except when I get to the hospital, he's already been released. I wonder why he didn't let me know that he had already left, like he did this morning informing me that he was still being released today. I text him when I get to my car

' _Just leaving the hospital now, I didn't know you were already released. Let me know if you need anything.'_ I send to him, before turning on the car, and driving to my apartment. I'm walking down the hall of my floor, and getting my key ready. When I look up I see him leaning against my door.

"You going to make this a regular thing to be standing outside my door Halstead?"

"Oh uh no, I uh I should have called or texted to make sure it was ok that I came over. I just wanted to I don't know..." He says as he messes with the bottom of his hoodie. I think _'he's even cuter when he's nervous'_ I place two fingers under his chin, and push up so he's looking at me, and place a kiss to his lips.

"I was just messing with you." I say turning to unlock the door, so we can go inside.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you that I was already released, I was just so happy to get out of there."

"It's ok." I reply; hanging up my coat.

"I'm just going to order some food for us. I'll be right back make yourself at home."

"Ok." He replies as he plops down on the couch.

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Jay's POV

After about ten minutes Erin comes out of her bedroom, in t shirt, and a pair of leggings; her hair is tossed up into a messy bun on the top of her head. I've always thought of her as the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen, but this look in particular does something to me. I gulp, as I admire the way the leggings hug her legs, and hips, and how the peaks of her chest poke into the fabric of the shirt she's wearing. When she's disappears into the kitchen, I try to control my breathing, and shift my thoughts to something else. I reach for the remote sitting on the coffee table, and turn on the Blackhawks game. She soon joins me on the couch, and hands me a bottle of water.

"Sorry the only other thing I have to drink is beer, and I didn't think you could have that with your meds."

"No, but the doctors don't have to know I had one."

"Yeah, so not happening Jay." She replies; turning her attention to the game. The food gets there about a half hour later, and we eat, and talk about the game, and work. After the game ends, and we throw away the food containers; we cuddle up on the couch together, and start to watch some made for tv movie. When she adjusts herself to be in a more comfortable position, I look down at her, and she looks at me, and pushes herself up to give me a kiss, which I deepen. I pull her onto my lap so she's straddling me, and before either of us can stop it, we're tugging at the other's clothes. I pull her leggings down, and push her panties aside, and tease her wet folds; causing her to moan, and throw her head back. I feel her hands fumble between us, once she reaches the waistband of my sweatpants, she starts to push them, along with my boxers down. She lifts herself slightly to push them past me knees. I pull her closer to me, as she guides me to her entrance. I thrust up, and into her heat, and she starts to rock her hips against mine. We find our rhythm, and then it's over all too quickly as her body soon collapses against mine. Once the room stops spinning I stand with her in my arms, despite the wound on my side screaming at me not to, and I carry her to the bedroom. Her chest is still heaving when I set her down on the bed; she looks up at me her eyes still dark with desire, and gives me a tired but undeniably satisfied smile. I walk back out to the living room, and put my boxers back on, before returning to her room, where she's putting on a new pair of panties.

"We should not have done that." She says as she helps me take my shirt off, her thumb traces just under the gauze on my side.

"You could have torn your stitches open." She continues, giving me a concerned look, and I lean in to peck her lips.

"That was amazing, and I don't regret it. Plus you shouldn't be concerned about me getting hurt doing what we just did." I say which causes her to give a small smile, and a look that says _'You're full of yourself'_.

"I'm not saying it wasn't amazing Jay, or that I regret it but we're not doing it again until you're cleared."

"Fine." I say as I climb into the bed with her, and she crawls over to curl into my side. She lays her leg on top of one of mine; her head rests on my chest, and she's tracing soothing patterns on my chest, as I do the same to the small of her back. She places a kiss to my chest, and I place one on her forehead, something that seems to have become our new thing, before we drift off to sleep.

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A/N: PLEASE REVIEW!


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: So this is it guys, the final chapter. I hope that you enjoy it, at least a little more than chapter 17. If you don't like it, please don't review, just like you did with the last chapter. If you do like it though please leave me your thoughts. For any Fast and Furious fans, there's a part of Fast Five near the end. Thank You for those of you who have followed, favorited or reviewed, this story its been fun, and maybe I'll write another one, once I close out The Fighters, if you'd like. Sorry for any and all mistakes. Hope everyone is having, and continues to have a good week. Much Love.**

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Chapter 18

Jay's POV

It's been a little over a year and a half since Erin and I got back together. I'm sitting on our couch; thinking. I think back to six months ago.

' _I can practically hear her thinking, even over our erratic breathing. Our naked chests still rising and falling at a quickened pace, as we come down from our high. I wait a few more minutes before I speak "I thought scrabble usually helps you tune out your thoughts, but not tonight. What's going on babe? Tell me what's going on in that pretty little head of yours?" I can feel her tense against me, as she processes my words. "Nothing, it just seems like this gets better every time." She answers with a shrug. I look down at her, but her gaze stays focused on the windows, and I know she's lying. "Not that I disagree with that, I know that's not what you're thinking about so seriously Er, just tell me." I say as I sit up; putting one of my hands on her shoulder to push her into a sitting position, and the other goes to cup her_ _jaw, and get her to look at me. She lets out a deep sigh; looking down, before looking back up, and giving me a timid smile. "Fine, I was just thinking how we've barely spent any time alone at our own places since you came here the night you were released from the hospital a year ago." She whispers, and I look at her surely with a very confused look on my face. "I uh I could go-" I begin to say but she continues "That's the thing Jay. I want you to stay. You remember when you asked me to move in with you, that day in the break room?" She says shyly, and I just nod. "Well I don't want you to come and go, I don't want either of us to come and go." I don't say anything in response to that at first. I just crash my lips to hers, and pull her even closer to me so her bare chest is pressed flush against mine. She breaks the kiss a few moments later, and rests her forehead against mine; giving me a smile. "I don't want either of us to come and go either." I say as I lay her back down, and pushing into her for the third round of the night; leaving the move in conversation for the morning.'_

And now I sit here, nervously fumbling with the ring box; currently burning a hole in my pocket; waiting for her to get out of the shower, in what is now our apartment. I turn on the Blackhawks game, and pray that she gets out here in time for intermission. After another five minutes, with two minutes until intermission, she comes strutting out of our bedroom with nothing but a t shirt on.

"Hey I was just about to come check on you, it's almost intermission." I say, trying to control my breathing, as I look at the time left, and there's just over a minute left. I stand up and meet her by the tv; giving her a brief kiss before ushering her over to the couch to sit down. I turn my head towards the TV just as the buzzer sounds, and Tommy Hawk the mascot comes out onto the ice holding a sign, my sign as the team exits the ice.

XXXXXX

Erin's POV

I'm slightly taken back by the way Jay is acting, as he guides me to the couch, but then I look up at the TV just moments after the buzzer sounds, and I see the team's mascot holding a blank sign. But then he turns it around, and the camera zooms in on it. My breath gets caught in my throat as my brain tries to process what's happening. The black and red sign reads _'Erin Lindsay will you marry Jay Halstead?'_ I can't stop the tears from falling, as I look to my left and see Jay on one knee next to me.

"Erin I know this is kind of crazy, and some may even say too soon, but I don't care about what everyone else thinks. We've known each other for years, we've been each other's partners, back up, and best friends, and somewhere along the way I fell in love with you. And god do I love you, and I've known for years that you are my only one. When you said "Maybe One Day", my reply was "Oh Definitely", but I definitely would have never been able to guess how much one day would teach us about ourselves, or how much we would learn about each other. I've become a better cop, and a better man because of you. And one day I want to be able to call you my wife, and that same one day I can actually become your househusband. One day I want you to become the mother of my children. And one day I want to retire to Wisconsin with you. I want us to have tons more one days, I want us to spend the rest of our lives together. So Erin Lindsay will you do me the incredible honor of marrying me, and becoming my wife one day?" He says with tears shining in his eyes, as he opens the red ring box.

"Oh definitely." I say before leaning over; grabbing his face, and kissing him hard. We break apart after a few minutes, and he slides the ring on my finger, and it fits perfectly. This time he leans in to give me a kiss, and I deepen it. No other words are exchanged as he picks me up off the couch, and takes me to our bedroom to celebrate our engagement.

XXXXXX

As I lay with my head on his sweaty chest, I take in the ring on my hand.

"Do you like it?" He asks

"I love it, it's beautiful."

"It was my mom's." He says, and I sit up holding the sheet to my chest.

"What's wrong?"

"You think I'm good enough to wear your mom's ring?" I ask a fresh batch of tears coming to my eyes.

"Of course Erin, my mom would have loved you, and there's no one better than you to wear her ring."

"Thank You."

"Thank You babe, you just made me the happiest man alive." He says sitting up.

XXXXXX

Jay's POV

I sit up and give her a kiss, and she hums approvingly. After a few moments we're broken from our kiss at the sound of my phone buzzing on the nightstand. I give her one more quick peck before turning to look at my phone to make sure we didn't just catch a case or something. We didn't, it was Adam.

"Who is it?" Erin asks as she scoots closer to me so her bare chest is pressed to my back, and I let out a moan, as she wraps her arms around my chest, and places kisses to my shoulder.

"It's Adam."

"What's he want?" She asks

"He said if we were done shagging like rabbits, we should come to Molly's to celebrate our engagement with everyone. I can't believe everyone knows."

"What did you expect Jay? You had Tommy Hawk hold up a sign at the beginning of intermission. Which by the way how did you pull that one off?"

"Touché, and I know a guy." I say, flashing her with a grin

"Of course you do, cause you have a guy for everything."

"But what do you want me to say to him, do you want to go?"

"Yeah I want to go, so I can kill Adam." She says giving me one more kiss before hopping off the bed to get freshened up, and ready to go. I shake my head in disbelief as I get up too.

XXXXXX

When we walk into Molly's the whole bar screams congratulations, and we make our way over to our usual table near the back where most of our colleagues and friends are seating. We both get hugs, and handshakes from the unit, and some our friends from firehouse 51. I sit next to Adam, and Kevin, and watch my girl showing off her ring to Kim, Hailey, Sylvie, Gabby, and Stella, and my heart swells at the fact that she said yes, she agreed to marry me, and be partner in life.

XXXXXX

Another five months later

Erin's POV

Kim, Hailey, and I are just finishing up the Thank You's for everyone who came to my Bridal Shower when I have to race off to the bathroom, for the what seems like the hundredth time in today. I don't know how long I sit there with my head in the toilet, dry heaving, before I stand up to rinse my mouth out, and wash my face. I reach under the sink to grab a dry hand towel, and knock over the box of tampons in the process. That's when it hits me, I'm late, like really late. I try to deny it, try to blame it on stress, the wedding, our wedding is only a month away. But deep down I know there's a chance that's not what it is. I go back out to Kim, and Hailey, but I only see Kim.

"Where's Hailey?" I ask confused.

"She went to get you a pregnancy test, she thinks she still has one from when she was pregnant with Kass."

"Kim I don't think-"

"Save it Erin, we haven't even been here for two hours, and you've gotten up to run to bathroom to throw up, countless times. Unless you already know that you are?"

"No I don't know, but-"

"No buts then, don't you want to know if you have a baby Halstead growing inside of you."

"Of course I do Kim, I'm just scared."

"It'll be ok Erin." Hailey says walking back into our apartment, with a purple, blue and white box.

"So you weren't scared when you first realized you might be pregnant?"

"Oh I was fucking terrified, but then I thought about it, and I realized while yes it's scary, I also had, and still have Kevin. And you have Jay, Kim has Adam, and our men, though we find ourselves wanting to strangle them on many occasions, they're the best of the best, and we're lucky as hell to have such a support system, and partners like them. It's scary Erin, but you're not in it alone." She says handing me the stick.

"Thank You." I say standing up, and walking to the bathroom. I don't think those three minutes could have gone any slower than they did, but when the timer finally went off I was slow to look at the result. I took a few minutes to take in the information, before making my way back out the living room. Both Hailey, and Kim sprung to their feet when I walked out.

"So?" Kim says anxiously

I answer with tears trailing down my cheeks "I'm…I'm pregnant"

Kim squeals in excitement, I think, and Hailey calmly walks over to me, with a big smile on her face, and just gives me a hug.

"Oh my god, you're having a baby. I'm going to be an auntie again. This is so exciting, I can't believe you're pregnant." Kim says as she walks over to me to give me a hug too.

"I can't believe it either." I say honestly

"So how are you going to tell Jay?" Kim blurts out

"Jeez Kim she just found out, I'm sure she hasn't thought about that yet." Hailey tells her

"Actually I think I already have an idea, but can you guys not tell anyone please?" I ask

"Yeah, we promise not to say anything." Hailey agrees immediately, nudging Kim's shoulder, when she doesn't say anything.

"Oh uh yeah sure." Kim says

"Kim seriously, I want to do something nice for him, I don't want him finding out from someone else. Please, you can't tell anyone."

"Ok ok I promise I won't tell anyone." She says

XXXXXX

One week before the wedding

Erin's POV

I ask Antonio if I leave early so I can head to the hospital and then finish up a few things up at home. He gives me the go ahead so I grab my jacket; telling Jay that I'll see him at home; giving him a quick peck, and ignoring the concerned look that he gives me, before walking out of the bullpen. I go straight to the hospital, and run into Will right away. _'Just who I was looking for.'_ I think to myself. He gives me a nod, before side stepping and beginning to walk away.

"Wait Will." I say to him, getting him to stop, and turn around

"Look Erin."

"Just let me get this out please." I say, and he just looks at me before nodding

"I know that I'm not your favorite person-" I begin

"Erin I-" He starts but I just continue

"I get it Will, I know you hate me. I hurt him, and disappointed a lot of people, but I came back. I came back, and while I never expected for us to be anything to each other again, here we are. And I know that you don't approve of me, of us. I get that you want better for your brother but for whatever reason he chose me, and I choose him. I love your brother, and I know you do too. I know that you two haven't been the closest since I came back, but I don't want him to regret not having you at our wedding, or being the best uncle to our children. Now I got Natalie's RSVP, but not yours, I'll still leave a spot for you next to Nat, in case you change your mind. He may not show it but I know it would mean a lot to him, if you were there. We can just be those in laws that don't get along, but I hope for him, and for them that you'll be present."

"Are you done?" He asks, and I nod "I never hated you Erin, but yeah it was disappointing as hell when you just up and left. So when you came back, I tried my best to push you two apart, so history didn't repeat itself. And for that I'm sorry, it was wrong, and not my place and I'm sorry that it took you coming here for me to say that to you. You completely broke him Erin, but I can see now that you were the only one who could truly put him back together, and you've given everyone a glimpse at the person I saw before. I see you as a sister again, because of how happy you make him. I appreciate that you came here today, and I will definitely be there on your day." He says before stepping forward, and giving me a hug.

"Children?" He asks as he backs away

"Yeah." I say rubbing my belly, and he looks down, and then back up, a completely shocked expression taking over his features.

"You're pregnant?" He asks excitedly, and I just nod.

"That's amazing, congratulations." He says giving me another hug.

"Does he know?" He asks backing away again, with a signature Halstead grin on his face

"Not yet, I'm planning on telling him tonight, which speaking of I need to see your girlfriend in about 5 minutes, but I really hope to see you next week Will."

"Yeah I should probably go check on my patients, but I'll be there. Thank You Erin." He says, and I just nod before we go our separate ways. I go to see Natalie to get my ultrasound done, and get the sonogram pictures printed for Jay, and I. As I'm leaving the hospital I text Antonio.

XXXXXX

Jay's POV

I get that Erin is under a lot of stress but these last few weeks something's been really off. She had some kind of bug a couple weeks back, and she's just been acting different. Everytime I try to ask what's going on she just brushes it off, and says it's nothing, and most of the days she can convince me. But today, I know something's up. She leaves work a few hours early, not telling me where she's going, just that she'll see me at home, before giving me a quick peck, and leaving. Once Antonio tells us to go home, I go into his office; closing the door behind me.

"Hey did Erin tell you where she was going today? She's been acting really off lately." I ask him

"Look I'm sure she's just stressed about the wedding man, most women get like that, especially a week before."

"Yeah, I just feel like there's something else going on."

"She just told me she had some things to take care of, but she did text me about an hour after she left." He said pulling out his phone, to look at the message.

"She said just leaving the hospital, had to talk to Will and Natalie, do you need me to come back in?" He reads off

"Alright thanks man." I say before exiting his office, grabbing my coat off the back of my chair, leaving the bullpen, and heading home; hoping she's there.

XXXXXX

Erin's POV

After Antonio text me back that I didn't have to go back in, I came home to finish putting Jay's gift together, and then I went on to clean up around the house. When I started feeling nauseous I laid down on the couch, and waited for Jay to get home. After about an hour of watching TV, I hear the key in the lock, and then the door opens. He storms inside, and throwing his jacket on the hook, kicking his boots off, and walking towards me.

"Is everything ok babe?" I ask, sitting up.

"What's been going on with you?" He practically yells

"What do you mean?"

"Don't play dumb Erin, you've been acting off for the last three weeks, and everyone keeps telling me that it's just the stress of the wedding, but I don't believe it. And now today, you leave work early, and I find out from Antonio, that you went to see Will and Natalie at the hospital, but there was never a word of that mentioned to me?"

"I went to the hospital to talk to Will about coming to the wedding."

"That's so not the point of me bringing it up Er, but now that you say that. Why would you go behind my back to invite my brother who I haven't talk to in over a year to our wedding."

"I did it because I didn't want either of you regretting him not being there. He's the only blood family you have left Jay, and I thought you'd want him there."

"That's my decision if I wanted him there or not. Why would you of all people want him there?"

"I literally just told you Jay, but you're being irrational, so I guess it just didn't register."

"Sure, I'm the one being irrational. You're the one that has been hiding something from me, your fiancé, and soon to be husband for weeks-" He says but I cut him off there.

"You're right I have been hiding something from you. I was hiding it to surprise you." I say picking up the wrapped box off the table, and slamming it against his chest, as tears start to cascade down my face. I turn around, and sit back down on the couch as far away from him as possible.

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Jay's POV

Coming home I didn't intend to start a fight, but here we are, and now she just slammed against a gift to my chest, and she's crying. I put the box decorated in blue paper, and white ribbon back on the coffee table, and walk over to where she's sitting on the couch. I kneel down in front of her, and rub my hands up and down her thighs. She won't look at me, so I cup her cheek, and turn her face towards me, but she keeps her eyes casted down, as I wipe away her tears with the pad of my thumb.

"Hey babe, I'm sorry." I say, as she sniffles, tears still trailing steadily down her rosy cheeks.

"Please look at me Er." I say, and then her beautiful hazel eyes look up at me.

"I just wanted to do something nice for this, and then I saw Will, and I decided to talk to him." She all but whispers

"What is this exactly?" I say trying not to upset her anymore than I already have. She leans over, and grabs her phone as well as the gift. She hands me the gift back, and does something on her phone quickly before looking at me expectantly.

"Open it" she says.

XXXXXX

Third Person POV

Jay delicately pulls the white ribbon off, and then rips the wrapping paper, as Erin records him on her phone. After she jokes; saying "we aren't going to reuse the wrapping paper Jay." He tears at it a little bit quicker until all of the blue paper is no longer sticking to the scrabble box. He looks up at her; giving her a confused look. "Scrabble babe? I mean that's really sweet of you to get me something, but I think-" He says sarcastically, but she cuts him off. "Stop being a smart ass, and just open the damn box Jay." She says, with a smile on her face. He opens the box, and takes out the board game; tossing it aside once he sees what's underneath. He doesn't say anything, but there's no denying how happy he is. His smile is so wide you'd think his face was going spilt in two, and Erin was so happy to be recording, because she knew she wouldn't be able to put his reaction into words. He leans forward, and she meets him half way to share a kiss, before they both back away. He looks back down at the bottom half of the box, which holds three onesies, one says "Mommy and Daddy's Triple word score" the second one says "Mommy and Daddy + Scrabble = Me" and the third one says "My Daddy's a cop, but I still robbed him of his heart." And on top of the onesies is the sonogram from today, and the one from almost three weeks ago, along with the positive pregnancy test.

XXXXXX

Jay's POV

I can't believe she's pregnant, my partner, my best friend, my fiancé, and soon to be wife is pregnant with my child, our child, we're pregnant. I pick up the sonograms, and swipe my thumb across them, as my vision becomes blurred from tears. I place them back in the box, and put it back on the table behind me, when I turn back around, Erin is putting her phone on the end table. She hasn't stopped crying, and I find myself not caring about letting my own tears fall. ' _We're having a baby.'_ I repeat in my head, as I lean in to give her a deeper kiss. I pull back, but rest my forehead against hers. "And here I thought I could never love you more than I already do." I whisper against her lips, and she smiles, and lets out a giggle. I kiss her again, as my hands fall to the hem of her shirt, and pull it up. I press kisses from her cheek, to her neck, her chest, and down to her still flat belly. Her muscles tense briefly, when I place a lingering kiss just above her belly button. "And I love you so much already." I whisper against her skin, before kissing her there again; her fingers running through my hair. I look up at her, and we smile at each other "I love you." She says, leaning down to give me another kiss. "I love you too babe." I reply, pressing my lips to her briefly before adding "Both of you." Another peck, "So much."

XXXXXX

Erin's POV

"I'm going to get some water, and then we can go lay down, and watch TV in our room." He says to me, as he stands.

"Ok." I say, getting up from the couch, and making my way to our room. I'm making myself comfortable under the blankets, when he walks in with two glasses of water. He sets them down on the dresser, before removing his shirt, and pants, leaving him in just his boxers. I bite my lip as I admire his chiseled back muscles. He makes his way over to the bed. He hands me one of the glasses; placing the other on the nightstand next to his side of the bed. He lifts the covers, and joins me, as I turn on the TV. I'm flipping through the channels when he spoons me, his head rests on the side of mine, his chin lying on my shoulder, and his hand slides under my shirt, and rests protectively over my stomach, I pick a movie for us to watch, and I set the remote down on the end table in front of me, before bringing my hand to trace patterns on top of his.

"How far along?" He whispers to me.

"Nine weeks." I answer

"Have you known for the three weeks?" He asks

"Yes, and I'm sorry."

"No I'm sorry Er, I was frustrated that I couldn't figure out what was going on, and I overreacted." He says rubbing my stomach.

"Who else knows?" He asks after a few minutes of silence.

"Kim, Hailey, and Natalie." I say, deciding to leave out his brother.

"And yet you still managed to surprise me. I'm impressed babe. What'd you bribe Kim with?"

"I didn't, I just told her that I didn't want you finding out from someone else, and that I wanted to surprise you."

"When do you want to tell everyone else?"

"I don't know, maybe at the wedding?" I suggest, trying to stifle a yawn.

"We can figure that out later I guess, if you're tired, you should go to sleep."

"No I'm fine, I can tell you're excited, and want to talk babe." I say, as he places a kiss to my neck.

"Words can't even begin depict how happy and excited am, but we can talk more tomorrow." He whispers into my ear.

"Ok." I say, closing my eyes when he kisses my neck again, before moving his head to his pillow. After a few minutes, I feel myself start to drift off, and then he asks me another question, and I cant help but smile at how he cant shut it off.

"Babe are you still awake?"

"Mmhmm." I answer

"Sorry, I can ask in the morning." He says shyly

"Jay just ask me." I say sitting up in order to ensure that I don't fall asleep on him.

"Are you excited?...Be honest."

"Yeah of course I am, I mean I was scared at first, and I still am, a lot actually, mostly because I'm going to be pushing a little Halstead out of me. That and I don't know how good of a mother I'll be to our baby. But other than that I'm extremely excited to be having your baby."

"You're going to be the best mom to our babies, Er."

"Babies?"

"Yeah, we're having two or three right?"

"We'll see, let's just focus on this little one for right now."

"Ok." He says quietly, looking at my belly. "I can't believe there's a baby in there, our little baby." He continues, and I lean down to kiss his forehead, before laying back down, and turning over. His body takes its previous position behind me, and his hand sprawls out over my stomach again. I drift off not long after. A couples hours later, I turn over to cuddle into him, but I'm just met with cold sheets; letting me know that he's been up for a while. I slowly get out of bed, grabbing my empty glass, and walking out to the living room. He's sleeping in a sitting position on the couch, one of the onesies is clutched in one hand, and in the other is the sonograms. I give him a smile, and go refill my glass before walking back to our room, setting down the water, and grabbing my phone. I go back out, and take a picture of him, then walk over to him, and shake his shoulder.

"Hey babe, can you come back to bed please? Baby and I want to cuddle." I say to him, and he gives me a sleepy smile as he stands up; gently placing the onesie, and pictures back in the box, before walking to our room with me. We both lay down, getting comfortable again, and then he pulls me into his side. Minutes later he's back to sleep, and his even breathing, and steady heartbeat lull me back to sleep as well.

XXXXXX

Six Days later

Third person POV

It was the day before the wedding, and everyone was meeting at Molly's for Erin and Jay's combined bachelorette and bachelor party. Much to Adam and Kevin's dismay, Erin and Jay decided to not to go with the traditional parties given the pregnancy. They planned on telling everyone tonight, though they still didn't know how even as they walk through the front door of the bar. They get waved over by their friends that have become their family, even Will came. They greeted everyone, and Jay sat down on what seemed to be the only open stool in the place, and then pulled Erin to sit on his lap. Ruzek leaves the table seconds after their arrival, to go get the first round. When he comes back he hands everyone a beer, before handing one to Jay, and attempting to hand one to Erin.

"Here Erin, I promise not to get you too drunk the night before your wedding, but you should celebrate your last night of freedom, especially since you're marrying this guy."

"Hey." Jay says mock offendedly

"I'm only kidding man, but seriously drink up."

"Uh no thanks, I'm good."

"Oh come on Linds, you got to have at least one."

"She can't." Jay replies

"What do you mean she can't."

"She can't." Jays says again, and resting his chin on Erin's shoulder, looking at her briefly before looking back at his friend, and rubbing Erin's belly. Adam just stands there dumbfounded, looking at the couple in front of him, before it seems to register, and a smile breaks out on his face.

"Are you serious right now?" Adam yells so mostly everyone looks over at them. Soon enough everyone is coming to give Jay and Erin their congratulations, some talking to them for a few minutes, before going back to where they were before. They look at each other, both having huge smiles on their faces.

"I love you Jay Halstead." She says to him, leaning to kiss him. A slightly drunk Adam stumbles over to them.

"You guys my best friends, I love you guys." He slurs, causing everyone near them to laugh.

"We love you too Adam."

"And I'm going to be this little guy's favorite uncle." He says placing his hand on Erin's belly.

"Oh no, I'm going to be his favorite uncle." Will says with a smile.

"Or her." Jay pipes in, but none of them are paying any mind to him, as they continue to argue about who will be their baby's favorite

"Um I'm pretty sure Uncle Kev will be his favorite."

"Again or her."

"You think the baby is a girl Halstead?" Hailey asks from across the table.

"Yeah, well I don't think it's a girl, I know it's a girl." Jays answers confidently

"What about you Erin?" Kim asks

"I think it's a boy." Erin replies, both Kim and Hailey shake their heads laughing before engaging in another conversation. Erin looks around the crowded bar, as Jay takes a swig of his beer.

"Hey by the way." He says, getting her to turn her head towards him. "I love you too Erin Lindsay, soon to be Halstead." He says before leaning in to attached his lips to hers again. When they break apart, they both look around, seeing the happy faces of their friends, their family. Both of them grateful for all they have. They've been through hell and back too many times to count, and they know, especially given their job, that there will be more to get through, but they also know that they have the best back up they could ask for. They'll forever be each other's partner, best friend, love of their life. The next day they became husband and wife, Mr. And Mrs. Jay Halstead, and just over six months later they were parents to a beautiful baby boy, that was the spitting image of his daddy. It was in that moment that we're even more grateful, that they decided to 'Just Jump in.' And they had many more moments like that, like three years later when they welcomed their second and third children into the world. Twins, another handsome little boy, and a beautiful little girl. And again, twenty years later when they retired to the Halstead cabin in northern Wisconsin, where they had a wall full of pictures. At the top of the wall were pictures of Erin, and Jay at the beginning of their partnership, and relationship, the selfie of them at the park when they were "sneaking around behind dad's back", was in the middle, just a above a sign. And under that were their wedding pictures, and baby pictures, a picture of Jay teaching Gavin how to ride a bike, and showing Bryce how to cast like his grandpa showed him when he was that age. Two of Jay's favorites were a picture of his girls, Erin sat on the couch, and Nadia was on the floor in front of her, getting her hair braided, but she was looking over her shoulder, smiling at something her mother said. And the second was of Erin showing their daughter, how to throw a mean right hook. Bryce had a bruise on his arm for weeks after Nadia practiced her punch on her twin. She was the only one out of their three children who inherited their mother's dimples, and these pictures really show just how much she resembles her mom. But in the middle of all the pictures above all the ones of them as a family was the sign, a painting really, that their daughter made that says "Then We Jumped In…"

-The End.


End file.
